Wendy Mogel

The thing about kids is that they don't listen. I didn't listen much to my parents, my son doesn't listen much to me. As parents, we want the best for our kids, but realistically we can't just make them do it. And as a parallel, as a former academic, if professors could really indoctrinate their students, the first thing they'd do is indoctrinate them to read the goddamn syllabus!

While kids don't hear the words you're saying, with adults coming through as a kind of Charlie Brownish wurble, show more they are very adept at hearing the tone that you use. Mogel has a lot to say about being steady, calm, and curious, all of which are good advice. Don't yell, don't hector, don't use sarcasm, and leave room for love and understanding to emerge.

The flipside is that this slow/gentle approach works great when things are good, I'm not sure how well it works when things are bad. As parents we all have moments when we are tired, stressed, overwhelmed, or otherwise not putting our best foot forward. My son is three, so our conflicts have been over things like baths and potty training, which are in the grand scope of things pretty minor. While life is often rocky, what if you have a teenager who's seriously depressed, failing classes, and hanging out with the worst crowd?

A large portion of this book is sectioned by girls and boys, and talking to mom or dad. As a therapist, Mogel has seen a lot of families, so I'm moderately confident her stereotypes are more grounded in numbers than gut feelings, but this book is still based heavily on gender stereotypes. show less

I am really, really glad I don't have a teenager. But if I did, I'd want this book by my side. Mogel does a good job outlining strategies on how to provide both independence and limits to teens who crave the former and need the latter (but would die of shame before admitting it). I particularly appreciate that she approaches these issues through a Jewish lens, though I feel like she did more of that in her previous book, "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee". I also feel that parents should be show more empowered to intervene in cases of emotional emergency (such as bullying) and not just physical ones -- maybe she could include that in an updated edition. Even with these quibbles this is still a lifeline for parents of teenagers, whether Jewish or otherwise. show less

A neighbor of a friend was given this book by her daughter's school and asked my friend to read it and let her know if it was any good. My friend in turn gave it to me knowing that I'll read almost anything put in front of me. Amazingly it was really really good. I've worked with kids for years and I find theories about how to raise them really interesting. I like the way this book was written as well as the ideas and explanations in it. Within the child rearing advice is the story of a show more woman's return to Judaism and her decision to observe the rituals and the meanings she finds in them. As a Jew I appreciated her views. show less

There's a bit to much God in here for my culturally Jewish taste, but there's also valuable parenting advice that is applicable beyond the Jewish family. I appreciated Mogel's insistance that children be allowed to be children, rather than being so heavily scheduled and regimented that no room for simple childhood pleasures remain. The idea that a parent's role is to help her child grow into a responsible, self-reliant, caring adult who contributes to her community also resonated with me. show more Mogel find support for these ideas in the Torah; for me, the ideas have enough merit in themselves and don't require the back-up of Jewish teachings to make them vaild. Never-the-less, I have recommended this book to many people and will probably re-read it myself when I have children. show less