David A. Stoop

If you are struggling with deep hurt and sorrow caused by scarring offenses, if forgiveness seems an unfair or ridiculous expectation, if letting go of hard feelings and healing from betrayal seems impossible... this book is for you. In truth, I did not agree with every idea presented by the author, but I did find most of his suggestions helpful. I learned a great deal about the process and benefits of forgiveness, especially what it actually means to forgive. Many of the example stories show more resonated with me. They demonstrated how forgiveness is both possible and beneficial to the person who was hurt, betrayed, or offended in what may seem like unforgivable ways. The author builds his case on religious beliefs, but religious or not, there is a healing path to forgiveness outlined here. I do recommend reading the book. show less

The thing that I really remember is how the first point in the practical-or-whatever section— after all the learning and setting all the intentions— was “Wait”. I like that. The conscious mind always wants something to do.

But I think it’s a work of the unconscious.

.......................

He’s right that we are a lot like our fathers. My opinions often do not align with my dad’s, but I usually express myself in a similar way; I say it the way that he would, if he were to take up show more that view. show less

"Forgiving the Unforgivable" is a simple little book dealing with a painful and complex problem - forgiving when forgiveness seems impossible. There are a variety of reasons forgiveness may seem out of reach - the offense is so huge, or the offender is out of our lives. But forgiveness remains the only true path toward total healing in our lives.

Stoop spends the early part of the book discussing what might fall into the category of "unforgivable." He then sketches out his understanding of show more the basics of forgiveness, dealing with both myths and truths of forgiveness. After offering up two false paths people walk down when they are hurt (denial and bitterness), Stoop draws out a map toward forgiveness and healing.

There are no promises of quick healing; sorrow, pain, grief and anger all play a role in true forgiveness. In the end, though, as people learn to place blame appropriately, to identify and own their pain, and to realize that forgiveness never absolves the wrong done, they can release the offender from their lives, let go of the wrong, and move into a new freedom and joy.

Stoop's work is firmly planted in scripture, based on an understanding that our forgiveness of others is possible because God has already forgiven us, and also because we trust in a God who will hold wrongdoers appropriate when necessary. If we struggle with forgiving ourselves, we find hope in the knowledge that Jesus forgave us at the cross; if we struggle with others who have horrifically wronged us, we find solace in the knowledge that God knows our pain, and will deal with them in his time.

There is much to be gleaned from this little book; even those not dealing specifically with 'unforgivable' sins will learn a lot about forgiveness. I was a little disappointed in some of the theological work, especially in what I perceive as Stoop's false comparison of Old Testament forgiveness vs. New Testament forgiveness. In addition, the book's size and tone keep it from going very deep; it's more an introduction to forgiveness than a deep exploration of the topic.

However, all that being said, it's a worthwhile book, and one I wouldn't hesitate to recommend to people wondering just how to forgive someone who has deeply wounded them. show less

Dos his blood boil when: a driver cuts in front of him or tailgates? You don't meet his domestic or romantic expectations?, he has to spend a holiday with the in-laws? This book traces the roots, realities and results of masculine anger. What happens when it goes out of bounds. d What are the constructive steps women can take to he men resolve their anger & find peace?