Tim Conigrave (1959–1994)

Having watched the movie twice, I felt a desire to read the original book. Although the movie is strong, the book is infinitely better. The full details make for a more compelling, realistic narrative of a relationship between two men. They can be envied for having found one another at the age of fifteen, and although they endured growing pains, spent their final years where they belonged--together.

The road they traveled in as their AIDS progressed sounded too familiar. I especially show more appreciated how they spent no time seeking to blame one another for infecting the other. At least through Tim's eyes, John's love was pure and true almost since the moment they first met, for the next fifteen years. The reader will shed tears for the sad tragedy of their deaths, but some of those tears will be regret that they will probably never have experienced a bond as unquestioned as this. show less

This book is very hard to write about without spoiling the story, so I'll stick to general comments as I think the reading experience may be greatly enhanced by not knowing what's coming next. Having said that, I just finished reading this book for the third time and each time I am totally lost in the narrative, each time my emotions are totally engaged, and each time I find something new.

What struck me as I read it this time was that the flaws in the prose are almost its strength. The show more urgency and passion with which it is written are totally justified and, in fact, readers would have every reason to be suspicious if such a memoir were written in a careful, polished, controlled style. Adolescent lust can't be conveyed by subtle allusions and delicate imagery; it better communicated by short sentences, repetition and rapid changes of subject. The same goes for the rest of the content.

Similarly, the unreliability of the narrator is never a failing in a memoir.

This is one of my favourite books of all time. A classic of gay literature and a classic of Australian literature. John will always have a place in my heart as the gorgeous, athletic boy who is in everyone's adolescent fantasy and who actually turned out to be gay. show less

This book is devastatingly beautiful, and was very difficult to get through on several levels.
This book served as a coming of age story, memoir, and love story all in one. What made the memoir so powerful, to me, was that Conigrave wrote so openly and honestly, and did not shy away from shining a light on his own flaws, infidelities, or unpopular thoughts during the course of his life discussed. Rather then painting himself a saint or a perfect partner, he wrote openly about the man he was, show more and the man he loved.
At the heart of the memoir though, is his love story with John Caleo, the man he would meet in high school and be with for 15 years. A love story, that ultimately ends in tragedy.
The last third of the book was the most difficult part for me, as Conigrave continues to lay everything bare, including all the un-pretty and grousome details of both his and John's battle wtih AIDS as well as John's eventual battle with cancer. He does not sugar coat, or leave out many of the details that are difficult to read about or imagine. This level of brutal openness made me have to put the book down often because while I appreciate his candidness in terms of telling his story, it tore at my heart and I found it draining me and depressing me. This, in itself, makes this a powerful read. It elicited physical and emotional responses from me.
Still, while this was difficult read, Conigrave was able to write a memoir that while clouded in sadness, felt somehow positive and uplifting, even in the final chapters. Through the sadness Conigrave expresses while watching the love of his life die, there is still a sense of beauty, as you are allowed witness to a man so in love, against all odds, and how beautiful love can be no matter the sexuality.
At its core, this was not only Conigrave's memoir, but Caleo's as well. What a beautiful love story, that touches on so many issues gay men faced and still face. show less

After the boring repetitiveness of Under the Tuscan Sun, I’ve made it a mission to read a little bit of the book I plan to read on my commute so I’m not stuck reading something dreadful. So, last night I started reading Holding the Man. I finished it this afternoon.

I bought Holding the Man as one of the Popular Penguins series. I thought it was about AFL (Australian Rules football), given the title. I suppose you could say that it is, a little- Tim falls in love with the captain of the show more footy team at school, John. So begins a love affair that ends with John’s death.

I found the initial chapters rather graphic in places (perhaps not suitable for public transport if you have people who read over your shoulder) but not offensive. I enjoyed the transcription of their lives, right down to recreated conversations. I found the description of the medical treatments very interesting (and nearly all factually correct, a rarity in today’s lack of fact checking world), especially in regards to how much HIV and AIDS treatments have progressed since John and Tim contracted the disease.

This may not be for the fainthearted as there are many sexual references, as well as a poignant farewell to John, but it’s definitely an eye opener and I’m glad I read it. show less