Marilyn Yalom (1932–2019)
Author of A History of the Wife
About the Author
Marilyn Yalom is a senior scholar at the Institute for Women and Gender at Stanford University
Disambiguation Notice:
(yid) VIAF:24633545
Image credit: Reid Yalom
Works by Marilyn Yalom
The American Resting Place: 400 Years of History Through Our Cemeteries and Burial Grounds (2008) 192 copies, 6 reviews
How the French Invented Love: Nine Hundred Years of Passion and Romance (2012) 136 copies, 11 reviews
Rođenje šahovske kraljice 1 copy
Memenin Tarihi 1 copy
A Historia da Esposa 1 copy
História do seio 1 copy
Associated Works
Tagged
Common Knowledge
- Canonical name
- Yalom, Marilyn
- Legal name
- Yalom, Marilyn Koenick
- Other names
- Koenick, Marilyn (birth name)
- Birthdate
- 1932-03-10
- Date of death
- 2019-11-20
- Gender
- female
- Education
- Johns Hopkins University (Ph.D|1963)
Harvard University (M.A.T.|1956)
Wellesley College (B.A.|1954)
University of Paris-Sorbonne (Diplôme de Littérature Contemporaine, 1953) - Occupations
- scholar of gender studies
scholar of French literature
university professor - Organizations
- Stanford University
California State University, Hayward
University of Hawaii at Manoa - Awards and honors
- Officier des Palmes Académiques (1992)
American Library in Paris Book Award (2013) - Relationships
- Yalom, Irvin (husband)
Yalom, Reid S. (son) - Short biography
- Marilyn Yalom, a gender studies scholar and author, died at her home in Palo Alto, California, on November 20. She was 87 years old and had suffered from cancer.
Dr. Yalom was born in Chicago and later grew up in Washington D.C. She earned a bachelor's degree in French from Wellesley College in Massachusetts. She held a master's degree in French and German from Harvard University and a Ph.D. in comparative literature from Johns Hopkins University.
After a brief stint at the University of Hawaii, Dr. Yalom taught at California State University, Hayward (now CSU, East Bay) from 1963 to 1976. In 1976, she was hired as deputy director of the Center for Research on Women at Stanford University. Later, she was a senior scholar at the Clayman Institute for Gender Research at Stanford, where she served as director from 1984 to 1985. - Cause of death
- multiple myeloma
- Nationality
- USA
- Birthplace
- Chicago, Illinois, USA
- Places of residence
- Washington, D.C., USA
Palo Alto, California, USA - Place of death
- Palo Alto, California, USA
- Disambiguation notice
- VIAF:24633545
- Associated Place (for map)
- USA
Members
Reviews
The American Resting Place: 400 Years of History Through Our Cemeteries and Burial Grounds by Marilyn Yalom
I have to admit, that because I love old cemeteries, I was predisposed to love this book and forgive its faults. So it won't surprise you to find out that I thoroughly enjoyed this book.
I loved how she followed American settlement patterns to show us cemeteries, and thereby, the history of the US. You learn about American history as well as trends in burials and cemetery design. You learn about the haves and the have-nots, as well as different cultures.
I know that things I learned from show more this book will increase my enjoyment of visiting cemeteries. And for that I am so grateful!
The photographs are stunning, too. Almost worth the price of the book. If you are cemetery geek, I am pretty sure you will love this book, too. show less
I loved how she followed American settlement patterns to show us cemeteries, and thereby, the history of the US. You learn about American history as well as trends in burials and cemetery design. You learn about the haves and the have-nots, as well as different cultures.
I know that things I learned from show more this book will increase my enjoyment of visiting cemeteries. And for that I am so grateful!
The photographs are stunning, too. Almost worth the price of the book. If you are cemetery geek, I am pretty sure you will love this book, too. show less
I’d first like to thank ‘Blood Sisters’ for distracting me from feeling like crap today. It is a fascinating, well-written, and thoughtful synthesis of women’s memoirs that survive from the time of the French Revolution. The women writing range from the royal children’s final governess to a peasant woman who crossdressed to fight in the Vendée civil war, via Robespierre’s sister and Germaine de Staël, the famous woman of letters. Yalom summarises and extracts from these memoirs show more to present the variety of women’s experience during the revolution, in their own words. This is especially useful as the eighty or so accounts include many that are obscure and/or largely forgotten. Although famous figures are included, the unknown (to me) women also provide powerful and illuminating perspectives.
Yalom’s analysis includes interesting commentary on the attitudes and roles women were allowed and expected to play during the time of the revolution. Many of the memoirists display incredible courage, intelligence, resourcefulness, and strength, but are nearly always limited to the domestic sphere. Admittedly, that sphere expanded in some ways during the revolution, to include pleading for the lives of relatives, protesting against high bread prices, and supporting soldiers fighting in the civil war. Despite this, women were generally cast as protectors, carers, and peacemakers. Women were considered ‘passive citizens’, not entitled to political rights. Some, such as Olympe de Gouges and Théroigne de Méricourt, sought to break out of this and suffered severely for it (de Gouges was guillotined and de Méricourt locked in a mental institution). One of the most politically powerful women of the time, Germaine de Staël, seems to have been ambivalent about her own role. Yalom notes the popularity of Rousseau’s views on women as belonging securely in the home; de Staël greatly esteemed Rousseau yet was surely frustrated by the limitations placed on her intelligence and political acumen by lesser minds who happened to be male.
That reminds me, I must look for de Staël’s [b:Considerations on the Principal Events of the French Revolution|3994260|Considerations on the Principal Events of the French Revolution|Germaine de Staël|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1328775373s/3994260.jpg|4040334], in which she combines historical analysis with personal recollections. I’ve been meaning to read it for ages. 'Blood Sisters' also complements [b:City of Darkness, City of Light|862108|City of Darkness, City of Light|Marge Piercy|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1320479678s/862108.jpg|1230592], a novel of the French Revolution with particularly strong female viewpoints. show less
Yalom’s analysis includes interesting commentary on the attitudes and roles women were allowed and expected to play during the time of the revolution. Many of the memoirists display incredible courage, intelligence, resourcefulness, and strength, but are nearly always limited to the domestic sphere. Admittedly, that sphere expanded in some ways during the revolution, to include pleading for the lives of relatives, protesting against high bread prices, and supporting soldiers fighting in the civil war. Despite this, women were generally cast as protectors, carers, and peacemakers. Women were considered ‘passive citizens’, not entitled to political rights. Some, such as Olympe de Gouges and Théroigne de Méricourt, sought to break out of this and suffered severely for it (de Gouges was guillotined and de Méricourt locked in a mental institution). One of the most politically powerful women of the time, Germaine de Staël, seems to have been ambivalent about her own role. Yalom notes the popularity of Rousseau’s views on women as belonging securely in the home; de Staël greatly esteemed Rousseau yet was surely frustrated by the limitations placed on her intelligence and political acumen by lesser minds who happened to be male.
That reminds me, I must look for de Staël’s [b:Considerations on the Principal Events of the French Revolution|3994260|Considerations on the Principal Events of the French Revolution|Germaine de Staël|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1328775373s/3994260.jpg|4040334], in which she combines historical analysis with personal recollections. I’ve been meaning to read it for ages. 'Blood Sisters' also complements [b:City of Darkness, City of Light|862108|City of Darkness, City of Light|Marge Piercy|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1320479678s/862108.jpg|1230592], a novel of the French Revolution with particularly strong female viewpoints. show less
8 stars: Very good
From the back cover: In today's culture, the bonds of female friendship are taken as a given. But only a few centuries ago, the idea of female friendship was completely unacknowledged, even pooh poohed. Dating back to the Greeks and Romans, women were long considered "weaker" than men and constitutionally unsuited for friendship at the highest level. Only men, the reasoning went, had the emotional and intellectual depth to develop and sustain these meaningful relationships. show more Surveying history, philosophy, religion and pop culture, Yalom demonstrates how women were able to co-opt the public face of friendship throughout the years. Chronicling shifting attitudes toward friendship - both female and male - from the Bible and the Romans to the Enlightenment, to the women's rights movements to Sex and the City, they reveal how the concept of female friendship has been inextricably linked to the larger social and cultural movements that have defined human history.
-----------------------
Overall, I found this to be a very good read and learned a lot of information. I very much enjoyed the trip through women's history which is inextricably linked with women's larger role in the society of the time. For instance, the first section was on Greek friendships and specifically was not about women, because there just wasn't historical record. This section was used to discuss various philosophies of friendship, and is referred to in later chapters. The section on "Romantic friendships", roughly 1750-1900 or so, where letters between women has very romantic and at times erotic language was also enlightening. In some cases there may have been non-platonic interactions, but much of it was how people communicated at the time. An entire chapter is devoted to Eleanor Roosevelt. As I have read multiple books on her, it was not new information, but set in this book on history it was necessary. I give a star off because the book did not have me deeply engaged, and also because it only discussed white, more monied women, until the very recent past (late 60s). Some of this may have been lack of historical record, but that can't account for all of it. Most moving was an account of a woman condemned to the guillotine. She asked her female friend to be present on the route, so that she could see the friend and provide some comfort in her final journey. This is all recorded, the friend did so, wearing the dress she had worn when they were last together, and holding extended eye contact.
Some quotes I liked:
Guys get together and have shoulder - to - shoulder relationships. We do things together. As compared to women, who are more apt to have face to face relationships. Many women confide in their friends, while men simply enjoy hanging out together. All too often, competitiveness colors male relationships and prevents men from disclosing their frailties and pain to their friends. Hence men's intimate discussions are often reserved for their girlfriends, spouses, or platonic women friends.
CIcero gives us practical advice about how to end a friendship that has gone wrong. If it is necessary to break with a friend, he prefers that the friendship "should seem to fade away rather than to be stamped out." for fear that it would create hard feelings or turn into serious personal enmity.
Intimacy often recedes in order to make space for heterosexual love, which often - in life as well as in literature - supersedes female friendship. The conflict between women's bonds with one another and marriage is one that we shall see played out... right into the present.
"I find that there are few friendships in the world marriage - proof... we may generally conclude the Marriage of a Friend to be the Funeral of a Friendship." - Katherine Phillips
The first generation of New Women, who came of age between 1880 and 1900, were aware that their young adult freedom would probably end with marriage. That a stark choice would have to be made between marriage and family and a real career was a societal given, even for an educated woman. ... those who chose a career looked to their female friends to create a supportive circle and ersatz family. Some entered into long lasting domestic partnerships with other women.
In the early years of marriage, blue collar husbands and wives named their spouse as their favorite companion, but after seven or more years, the older wife named friends and relatives with increasing frequency in her list of preferences, whereas the older husband curtailed his extrafamily associations. There does seem to be a tendency for men of all classes, as they grow older, to depend increasingly on their wives for friendship, even as their wives find more friends outside the family circle.
{Toni Morrison, discussing her 1983 book Sula] Friendship between women is special, different, and has never been depicted as the major focus of a novel before Sula. NObody ever talked about friendship between women unless it was homosexual, and there is no homosexuality in Sula. Relationships between women were always written about as though they were subordinate to some other roles they're playing. This is not true of men. It seemed to me that black women have friends in the old fashioned sense of the word. I was halfway through the book before I realized that friendship in literary terms is a rather contemporary idea.
As more girls and boys grow up in a gender neutral environment, their attitudes towards friendship will carry weight in workplaces in the future. Like most cultural change, this process will likely be a halting progression of the two step forward, one step back kind.
(Epilogue) Are there qualities of women's friendship that seem to be almost universal? ... What common elements can be found in the friendships [across time and history]. From the many exampels presented in this book, were have identified four ingredients that seem basic to women's friendships: Affection, self revelation [talk to openly without the fear of reprisal and with expectation of sympathy and support], physical contact, interdependence. show less
From the back cover: In today's culture, the bonds of female friendship are taken as a given. But only a few centuries ago, the idea of female friendship was completely unacknowledged, even pooh poohed. Dating back to the Greeks and Romans, women were long considered "weaker" than men and constitutionally unsuited for friendship at the highest level. Only men, the reasoning went, had the emotional and intellectual depth to develop and sustain these meaningful relationships. show more Surveying history, philosophy, religion and pop culture, Yalom demonstrates how women were able to co-opt the public face of friendship throughout the years. Chronicling shifting attitudes toward friendship - both female and male - from the Bible and the Romans to the Enlightenment, to the women's rights movements to Sex and the City, they reveal how the concept of female friendship has been inextricably linked to the larger social and cultural movements that have defined human history.
-----------------------
Overall, I found this to be a very good read and learned a lot of information. I very much enjoyed the trip through women's history which is inextricably linked with women's larger role in the society of the time. For instance, the first section was on Greek friendships and specifically was not about women, because there just wasn't historical record. This section was used to discuss various philosophies of friendship, and is referred to in later chapters. The section on "Romantic friendships", roughly 1750-1900 or so, where letters between women has very romantic and at times erotic language was also enlightening. In some cases there may have been non-platonic interactions, but much of it was how people communicated at the time. An entire chapter is devoted to Eleanor Roosevelt. As I have read multiple books on her, it was not new information, but set in this book on history it was necessary. I give a star off because the book did not have me deeply engaged, and also because it only discussed white, more monied women, until the very recent past (late 60s). Some of this may have been lack of historical record, but that can't account for all of it. Most moving was an account of a woman condemned to the guillotine. She asked her female friend to be present on the route, so that she could see the friend and provide some comfort in her final journey. This is all recorded, the friend did so, wearing the dress she had worn when they were last together, and holding extended eye contact.
Some quotes I liked:
Guys get together and have shoulder - to - shoulder relationships. We do things together. As compared to women, who are more apt to have face to face relationships. Many women confide in their friends, while men simply enjoy hanging out together. All too often, competitiveness colors male relationships and prevents men from disclosing their frailties and pain to their friends. Hence men's intimate discussions are often reserved for their girlfriends, spouses, or platonic women friends.
CIcero gives us practical advice about how to end a friendship that has gone wrong. If it is necessary to break with a friend, he prefers that the friendship "should seem to fade away rather than to be stamped out." for fear that it would create hard feelings or turn into serious personal enmity.
Intimacy often recedes in order to make space for heterosexual love, which often - in life as well as in literature - supersedes female friendship. The conflict between women's bonds with one another and marriage is one that we shall see played out... right into the present.
"I find that there are few friendships in the world marriage - proof... we may generally conclude the Marriage of a Friend to be the Funeral of a Friendship." - Katherine Phillips
The first generation of New Women, who came of age between 1880 and 1900, were aware that their young adult freedom would probably end with marriage. That a stark choice would have to be made between marriage and family and a real career was a societal given, even for an educated woman. ... those who chose a career looked to their female friends to create a supportive circle and ersatz family. Some entered into long lasting domestic partnerships with other women.
In the early years of marriage, blue collar husbands and wives named their spouse as their favorite companion, but after seven or more years, the older wife named friends and relatives with increasing frequency in her list of preferences, whereas the older husband curtailed his extrafamily associations. There does seem to be a tendency for men of all classes, as they grow older, to depend increasingly on their wives for friendship, even as their wives find more friends outside the family circle.
{Toni Morrison, discussing her 1983 book Sula] Friendship between women is special, different, and has never been depicted as the major focus of a novel before Sula. NObody ever talked about friendship between women unless it was homosexual, and there is no homosexuality in Sula. Relationships between women were always written about as though they were subordinate to some other roles they're playing. This is not true of men. It seemed to me that black women have friends in the old fashioned sense of the word. I was halfway through the book before I realized that friendship in literary terms is a rather contemporary idea.
As more girls and boys grow up in a gender neutral environment, their attitudes towards friendship will carry weight in workplaces in the future. Like most cultural change, this process will likely be a halting progression of the two step forward, one step back kind.
(Epilogue) Are there qualities of women's friendship that seem to be almost universal? ... What common elements can be found in the friendships [across time and history]. From the many exampels presented in this book, were have identified four ingredients that seem basic to women's friendships: Affection, self revelation [talk to openly without the fear of reprisal and with expectation of sympathy and support], physical contact, interdependence. show less
So I was led astray by the title of this book How the French Invented Love--doesn't that suggest a sociological explanation of the significance of love in French culture? Now of course, love is important in every culture. But to my romantic American Francophile mind, the French seem to have cornered the market on love. Stereotype or not, it seems to me that the French, both throughout history and today, are much more devoted to the pleasures of love. I was expecting a sociological show more exploration of this belief. In reading this, I wanted to learn: why do we associate the French so strongly with love? is the French emphasis on love fact or fiction? how do the French treat love differently from other cultures?
Unfortunately, this book somewhat broaches these questions but not sociologically. Rather, Yalom, who writes both congenially and informatively, takes us on a sweeping adventure through French love literature. She begins with the tragic story of Abelard and Heloise, whom she names the "patron saints" of French love. From there we discuss [a:Chrétien de Troyes|20903|Chrétien de Troyes|http://d.gr-assets.com/authors/1263599207p2/20903.jpg]' Arthurian romances and his focus on courtly love before moving to the invention of gallantry during the reign of Sun King Louis XIV. Then we investigate the Romantics' fixation/fascination on love as the absolute purpose of life and finally we explore the more modern cynicism toward love as found in [a: Proust|233619|Marcel Proust|http://d.gr-assets.com/authors/1189444962p2/233619.jpg] and Flaubert's [b:Madame Bovary|2175|Madame Bovary|Gustave Flaubert|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1335676143s/2175.jpg|2766347]. Yalom does not limit herself to heterosexual love either--lesbian and gay relationships are well-covered. What I found most interesting about this chronological expedition through French literature was the oscillation between periods of romantic attitudes toward love followed by periods of jaded attitudes toward love. A lot of French love literature is motivated by backlash toward these ideals.
While this book left me with a long list of French love stories to seek out, I didn't get the answer to my most pressing questions: do the French actually love differently? and if they do, why? This omission was somewhat assuaged by Yalom's inclusion of several personal anecdotes on French love. She tells charming real life stories of French lovers that are so utterly French in character that I can't help but believe that l'amour à la française is not merely imagined but truly exists.
Here's a LONG list of French works focused on love that Yalom has inspired me to read as soon as possible:
[b:The Lais of Marie de France|119079|The Lais of Marie de France|Marie de France|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1331917315s/119079.jpg|114648]
[b:The Princesse de Clèves|354364|The Princesse de Clèves|Madame de La Fayette|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1174023203s/354364.jpg|344556]
[b:Les Liaisons Dangereuses|49540|Les Liaisons Dangereuses|Pierre Choderlos de Laclos|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1298425654s/49540.jpg|3280025]
[b:Manon Lescaut|577246|Manon Lescaut |Abbé Prévost|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1348371776s/577246.jpg|649139]
[b:The Misanthrope|752994|The Misanthrope|Molière|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1328868192s/752994.jpg|685838]
[b:The Complete Claudine: Claudine at School; Claudine in Paris; Claudine Married; Claudine and Annie|89839|The Complete Claudine Claudine at School; Claudine in Paris; Claudine Married; Claudine and Annie|Colette|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1316125865s/89839.jpg|704679]
[b:Indiana|104260|Indiana|George Sand|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1171510382s/104260.jpg|1192753]
[b:Madame Bovary|2175|Madame Bovary|Gustave Flaubert|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1335676143s/2175.jpg|2766347]
[b:Cyrano De Bergerac|15638|Cyrano De Bergerac|Edmond Rostand|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1309203284s/15638.jpg|2327623]
[b:Remembrance of Things Past: Volume I - Swann's Way & Within a Budding Grove|190576|Remembrance of Things Past Volume I - Swann's Way & Within a Budding Grove |Marcel Proust|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1320495451s/190576.jpg|184245]
[b:The Lover|275|The Lover|Marguerite Duras|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1353844338s/275.jpg|1009849]
So obviously that list suggests that you probably shouldn't pick this book up if you're not looking to add even MORE books to your already towering TBR pile. The Francophile in me, however, can't wait. show less
Unfortunately, this book somewhat broaches these questions but not sociologically. Rather, Yalom, who writes both congenially and informatively, takes us on a sweeping adventure through French love literature. She begins with the tragic story of Abelard and Heloise, whom she names the "patron saints" of French love. From there we discuss [a:Chrétien de Troyes|20903|Chrétien de Troyes|http://d.gr-assets.com/authors/1263599207p2/20903.jpg]' Arthurian romances and his focus on courtly love before moving to the invention of gallantry during the reign of Sun King Louis XIV. Then we investigate the Romantics' fixation/fascination on love as the absolute purpose of life and finally we explore the more modern cynicism toward love as found in [a: Proust|233619|Marcel Proust|http://d.gr-assets.com/authors/1189444962p2/233619.jpg] and Flaubert's [b:Madame Bovary|2175|Madame Bovary|Gustave Flaubert|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1335676143s/2175.jpg|2766347]. Yalom does not limit herself to heterosexual love either--lesbian and gay relationships are well-covered. What I found most interesting about this chronological expedition through French literature was the oscillation between periods of romantic attitudes toward love followed by periods of jaded attitudes toward love. A lot of French love literature is motivated by backlash toward these ideals.
While this book left me with a long list of French love stories to seek out, I didn't get the answer to my most pressing questions: do the French actually love differently? and if they do, why? This omission was somewhat assuaged by Yalom's inclusion of several personal anecdotes on French love. She tells charming real life stories of French lovers that are so utterly French in character that I can't help but believe that l'amour à la française is not merely imagined but truly exists.
Here's a LONG list of French works focused on love that Yalom has inspired me to read as soon as possible:
[b:The Lais of Marie de France|119079|The Lais of Marie de France|Marie de France|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1331917315s/119079.jpg|114648]
[b:The Princesse de Clèves|354364|The Princesse de Clèves|Madame de La Fayette|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1174023203s/354364.jpg|344556]
[b:Les Liaisons Dangereuses|49540|Les Liaisons Dangereuses|Pierre Choderlos de Laclos|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1298425654s/49540.jpg|3280025]
[b:Manon Lescaut|577246|Manon Lescaut |Abbé Prévost|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1348371776s/577246.jpg|649139]
[b:The Misanthrope|752994|The Misanthrope|Molière|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1328868192s/752994.jpg|685838]
[b:The Complete Claudine: Claudine at School; Claudine in Paris; Claudine Married; Claudine and Annie|89839|The Complete Claudine Claudine at School; Claudine in Paris; Claudine Married; Claudine and Annie|Colette|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1316125865s/89839.jpg|704679]
[b:Indiana|104260|Indiana|George Sand|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1171510382s/104260.jpg|1192753]
[b:Madame Bovary|2175|Madame Bovary|Gustave Flaubert|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1335676143s/2175.jpg|2766347]
[b:Cyrano De Bergerac|15638|Cyrano De Bergerac|Edmond Rostand|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1309203284s/15638.jpg|2327623]
[b:Remembrance of Things Past: Volume I - Swann's Way & Within a Budding Grove|190576|Remembrance of Things Past Volume I - Swann's Way & Within a Budding Grove |Marcel Proust|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1320495451s/190576.jpg|184245]
[b:The Lover|275|The Lover|Marguerite Duras|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1353844338s/275.jpg|1009849]
So obviously that list suggests that you probably shouldn't pick this book up if you're not looking to add even MORE books to your already towering TBR pile. The Francophile in me, however, can't wait. show less
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