John Gray (2) (1951–)

Read it not as a guide to help me with relationships, but rather to see what the fuss is about.

Got annoyed pretty fast when Gray claims women and men are "meant" to be different. Unsubstantiated normative claims touch a nerve with me. The book often read like a sales pitch for his courses and his claims that his methods works great is only supported by his assurances. I'm quite sure his descriptions of the sexes gives comfort to many as it gives explanatory model for why her/his significant show more other behaves in a certain way which many of us find solace in. That doesn't mean the descriptions have to be right though, its enough if the reader believe they are correct. To be fair I did recognize myself more in his descriptions of men, but a lot seemed quite off the mark to me also.

I do appreciate that Gray is trying to foster and promote a greater understanding between couples though. Some of the writing does, as I said, feel like self-promoting, but I do believe he is doing it with good intentions. Some of the tools he provides the reader seem both good and not impossible to implement. He for example advice the reader to go away from the partner when they are annoyed with them and sit down and write a "love letter" which include five sections; 1. anger, 2. hurt and sadness, 3. fear, 4. guilt and remorse and 5. love. While I haven't tried it, it does seem to me a good way to avoid starting a discussion which could easily turn into an argument and instead cool down and sort out your own feelings before talking to the partner. show less

Useful information is scattered throughout this book, but the rest of it left a rather bitter taste in my mouth. Men and women aren't from different planets, folks. Not all men need to be alone for long periods of time in order to function. Some women do. Not all women are needy and over-emotional.

Overall, I derived little from this other than the author's idea of an ideal woman. That is to say, a doormat.

Reading Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus felt like diving into one of those classic relationship books everyone references at some point. I can see why it became so popular, the way John Gray breaks down communication differences between men and women is simple, relatable, and honestly pretty entertaining. Some examples made me laugh because they reminded me so much of real life misunderstandings I’ve had or seen in other couples. It does make you pause and think about how often show more conflicts come from mismatched expectations rather than lack of love.

That said, the book definitely shows its age. Some of the ideas rely heavily on stereotypes about men being emotionally distant and women being overly expressive, which doesn’t always fit today’s relationships or individual personalities. At times, I found myself wishing for more nuance and less of a “men always do this, women always do that” framework. Still, behind the outdated bits, there are genuinely helpful insights about listening, giving space, and showing appreciation.

Overall, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus isn’t a perfect guide, but it’s an interesting and often insightful starting point for understanding communication and emotional needs in relationships. If you take it with a grain of salt, it can spark meaningful reflection and better conversations. I’d recommend it to anyone curious about classic relationship wisdom, just with an open mind and a modern perspective. show less

Unabridged audio. I had to stop at 25%

1. Too many generalities about men and women.
2. Too much “squish-ification” of men, with lengthy diatribes about how they need to change. Exhortations for women to change were less stringent. Get a clue: women are not perfect and should not be the standard for judging the human race.
3. If I were from Jupiter, I would come away with the impression that women are whiny crybabies; and I would wonder why men bother.
4. A better place to start would be show more teaching that people are all different. Some of the male/female differences are biological; some are cultural; and all have exceptions.

Accept someone for who they are. Don’t try to change them into something else for your own convenience. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin instead of waiting for another person to validate your existence.

I find the pop-psychology annoying and indicative that we have too much time on our hands if we are agonizing over how to make others conform to personal ideals. show less