If I Stay

Favorite Quote: I am seventeen years old. This is not how it's supposed to be. This is not how my life is supposed to turn out.

Oh.My.God.
My heart hurts so much, I can't believe how it can bear it. I never felt such emotions reading a book. Ever.
It was such a sad, gut-wrenching, tear-your-heart-and-leaving-it-open book. When I thought the tears would stop, another line, another word would keep 'em coming and coming, until my family started worrying about me.
Mia's story and her journey out of her body, witnissing her loved ones going through the tragedy was at times unbearable to read, even worse were the memories she relieved by each step she took and every second that ticked by.

She keeps wondering: What would it be like if I stay?

She show more had a life before, a pretty amzing one: a wonderful family with an ex-rockstar Dad, a feminist who doesn't chew her words Mom and a sweet little brother, her passion for classical music and pursuing her dream of becoming a famour cello player graduated from Julliard school.

But then everything has perished. Her entire family is gone, nothing is left for her in this life, everyone she cherished had been taken away that very morning, there's nothing worth staying for.

And there's Adam.

Adam.Adam.Adam.Adam.

The music-obsessed, guitar-player, sweet and swoony rock star boyfriend. Though things weren't always great with the different paths their lives were taking, they were still crazy in love and trying as hard as possible to make it work and not think about the imminent future. However, he was both her weakness and her stregnth and his disarray made me cry even harder. Him wishing for her to stay, oh God what a mess I've been when I read that passage:
"If you stay, I'll do whatever you want..."

The ending is what frustered me the most. How could Mrs. Forman leave me with such an ending? that was very wicked of her, now I can't wait untill I read the next book, and from what I heard, it will be from Adam POV and I'd better prepare a box of Kleenex...

N.B: Through the whole book, and possibly because he's a music obsessed guy, I couldn't stop picturing Adam as:

Since his role in Gimore Girls as Jesse, the troublesome, oh-so-dangerously-hot bad boy who loved music AND reading books, I had a soft spot for him. I mean, who would resist such a hottie and this lopsided mouth that would crack into such a very sexy grin... *sigh*



As for his voice, the PenguinYoungReader trailer for "Where She Went" is feautring one of the sexiest voice I've ever heard for Adam. So now, I'm fully intending on reading the next book AND listening to the audiobook. show less

At first I was doubtful about If I Stay, figuring it was going to be some overwrought teenage melodrama. (The moody cover with the girl on it didn't help.) Boy was I wrong – it turned out to be this lyrical, deeply moving book about life, death, and love.

This is a very introspective novel with little to no plot. Mia’s body was seriously injured in a car accident, but her essence seems to be hovering in limbo. She will have to decide whether she wants to live or quietly slip away. While she considers her choice, Mia observes the various people gathered at the hospital, and she looks back on her relationships with her family, her friends, and her boyfriend, none of which will ever be the same.

I was afraid that Mia’s show more main concern would be TEH BOYFRIEND, but I was pleasantly surprised. He does play a large role – he is Mia’s first love, after all – but equal import is placed on her mother, her father, her younger brother, her best friend, her grandparents, even music. Gayle Forman is a master at crafting wonderful vignettes – Mia’s first date with Adam, the birth of her brother, a day in Portland with her grandfather - that showcase all the love in her life. You feel punched in the gut because Mia will never see some of these people again. But you also hope that she will realize that she has so much to stay for, despite all that she has lost.

Four (and possibly a half) stars. show less

Damn it. I told myself I wasn't going to cry. I knew this was an emotional book, so before I started reading, I erected a wall of distance between me and the book to ensure it wouldn't hurt me. And, to its credit, this book didn't bang against my wall, demanding to be let in. Instead, it seeped, little by little, bit by bit.

Foreman's words are so subtle, so understated, that they snuck in through the cracks of my carefully constructed defenses and now I am drowning in all these feels. My feels are scattered across my room and I can't wrestle them back into place. They're out there and it's not pretty.

Adam. I love how he's not perfect, how they have troubles, how life has pulled them in different directions, but the depth of his love, show more of his devotion, of how he *gets* her, it nailed me.

Thank you, Gayle Forman, for a truly beautiful work of art that doesn't stand up and shout, "Look at me! I'm amazing!" It doesn't have to. It just is.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to finish ugly crying. show less

Ho.ly. Cow.

So, normally I'm not one for contemporary YA. I like the vamps, the weres, the magic, the dystopia. I don't like "normal" stories. THIS is not a "normal" story. THIS is a grab-your-heart-outta-your-chest-wrenching story.

The story goes back and forth between what is happening in the present and flashbacks. Each flashback pertains to a certain person and shows what the relationship between them and Mia was like. I was sad when Mia was sad and happy when Mia was happy. I even googled the classical music selections so that I could feel even MORE like Mia.

I mean, I like music. But I started to LOVE music and how something could bring Adam and Mia together like that. And oh Adam. What an amazing boyfriend. The things that he does show more for Mia and how much he loves her. I could literally feel it radiating off the pages.

What would you do if you had the choice to live or die? How does one make that choice? Could you stay if you felt there was nothing left for you?

I think Mia's mom said it best: "Love's a bitch". show less

Books about death and dying are particularly hard to review. The way we react to them is so deeply personal that I'm skeptical about the actual value of my (or anyone's) review of the work to other readers. When we read, we don't come to the book with a clean slate--we come to it with years of experiences, friendships, and memories that provide us with a vantage point from which to view the story. And if you have an awful tendency toward existentialism, like I do, these books only become more emotional as you evaluate your own life,choices, and relationships along with the protagonist.

I spent two years of my life moving around the US doing service projects, and most of that time I lived in the gulf after Hurricane Katrina. Living in a show more tent city and gutting houses for months in what basically felt like a post-apocalyptic world was life-changing for me, but the absolute devastation of the area wasn't what did me in, it was the people. Most of the people whose homes we gutted had not returned from evacuation yet. Their homes had been under 10-12 feet of water for two weeks. My point is this: we threw out almost all of their belongings. Barely anything was salvageable--at the most, we found a few pictures or some of their silver or china. I cannot imagine what it was like for those families. Is it better to come back to a nightmare or to come back to an empty, clean slate from which to start again? I still don't know. But I realized, after speaking to so many residents, that most of their stuff didn't matter to them. They had their lives. Their family. Their connections to other people. I know it sounds cliche, but I feel like it is something that a lot of us tend to forget. Even when it feels like all is lost, there is always something there to hold on to. When Kim told Mia her long story of the day and ended it with, "You still have a family," I lost it.

Mia, the protagonist of [b:If I Stay|4374400|If I Stay (If I Stay, #1)|Gayle Forman|http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1221604709s/4374400.jpg|4422413] is in the intensive care unit after a horrible car accident. While she is in a comatose state, some part of her (her soul?) is able to see everything that is going on outside of her body. I found it fascinating--so often with an outside watcher, we see a person hovering over their funeral or watching to see what happens afterward. In Mia's case, we were able to follow along with her while she makes her decision to stay or go. I wasn't sure what Mia's choice was going to be, even to the last second, and I appreciated that fact--[a:Gayle Forman|295178|Gayle Forman|http://photo.goodreads.com/authors/1271630502p2/295178.jpg] gets it. The relationships between the characters felt so real to me, especially because a lot of my immediately family are doctors and nurses so I've spent a lot of time in hospitals.

I read an article today about the decline of the "book review." The author was discussing the extent to which people used to depend on critical and objective book reviews for suggestions of what to read and how the number of literary critics has severely decreased. (actual literary critics, not just reviewers)It got me thinking about what I actually look for in a book review. What makes me want to read it? Though I definitely enjoy the NYT Book Review, I am much more likely to buy a book that my friends recommend, on Goodreads or in real life. Give me a subjective book review about what a book made you feel and I am all over it. If you are the same way, you should know: This book made me feel optimistic for the future at a time when I have been feeling completely lost, so for that, it is getting 5 stars.

As an aside, I'd just like to add that this book was fantastic in audio format. Once in awhile, cello music played in the background and it was lovely to hear it considering Mia was an amazing cellist. Also, having a person actually read me the lyrics to Mia's father's song and to hear Adam say his speech to her was beautiful. I'd definitely recommend this book in audio format. show less

I have been in a bit of a book slump. I keep starting books and setting them aside to dabble in later and then I never pick them back up again. It’s not that the books I have started haven’t necessarily been good, I just wasn’t in the mood or I couldn’t give it enough time to get into it. Well that is over!

If I Stay has brought my inner bookworm back to life. I opened it a few times before I actually read it, looking at the first line in an unfocused sort of way and then setting it back down. I finally decided that I just needed to get a few pages into it so when I was ready for work with five minutes to spare I decided I would use that time to get past those first few pages. I set it down, left for work, and then anxiously show more anticipated picking it up again because with just those few pages I could tell it was going to be good. When I got home I sat myself on the couch and didn’t get up until the last page (and that doesn’t happen to me very often).

There is so much I love about this book; the music, the style, the emotions. I went from tearing up one second to laughing the next. The story was so tragic and heartbreaking but at the same time I wanted to be there. I wanted to know Mia and her parents, especially her hilarious parents with their perfect quirky adorableness. I just love this family.

"I did a slinky walk as best as I could in the heels. I expected Adam to go crazy when he saw me, his jeans-and-sweater girlfriend all glammed out. But he smiled his usual greeting, chuckling a bit. ‘Nice costume,’ was all he said.
‘Quid pro quo. Only fair,’ I said, pointing to his Mozart ensamble.
‘I think you look scary, but pretty.’ Teddy said. ‘I’d say sexy too but I’m your brother so that’s gross.’
‘How do you even know what sexy means?’ I asked. ‘You’re six.’
‘Everyone knows what sexy means,’ he said."
-page 97

I am in love with this book and I know there will be more Gayle Forman in my future…soon…seriously I already have another one waiting for me. Don’t be jealous. show less

SPOILERS ABOUND

Mia, whose life has been charmed in nearly every way imaginable, experiences a car crash that puts her in a coma and kills her immediate family. Removed from her body in an astral form, Mia watches and listens as visitors encourage her to wake up, including her friends, family, and boyfriend, and relives several significant moments of her life via flashback before choosing whether to return.

Sounds like a no-brainer emotional home run, right? Forman gives us several portraits of grief, from the usually-stoic grandparents who crumble at the sight of their comatose granddaughter to the tough but fair nurse to the snarky best friend to the No-Tears Baby Shampoo Prescription boyfriend. Flashbacks set them up, coma girl knocks show more them down, she of course wakes up at the end, roll credits.

This premise plays out pretty well for the first half of the book, but then the second half drops and I slowly realized none of the story threads were really going to pay off. Nothing about her parents' lives had any weight on who Mia or her brother are or why losing them is tragic. Forman goes out of her way to repeatedly portray the parents as the ultimate cool parents who let Mia drink and have sex because hey they're still cool just like Nirvana and The Ramones whoa radical dude. Given the rose-colored attention paid to Mia's parents in flashbacks, I have to wonder if there wasn't a rough draft in which the parents look over a comatose Mia and ghost-high-five each other all day for being so alternative.

Mia's little brother Teddy is aptly named, as his role is to pretty much act precocious and cute to set up his poorly revealed death. It didn't help that the audiobook's narrator kept putting on a high-pitched voice that amplified Teddy's inhumanly "childish" lines. He is a stuffed animal placed in the story to look cute then turn to fluff.

Speaking of inhuman traits, Mia's boyfriend Adam is some sort of manic pixie dream boy, adoring her every trait while the only flaw in the relationship is that they're too polite at first. Later, he stages a large diversion in the Intensive Care Unit of Mia's hospital in order to spend a bit of time with her... after he already saw her? And her family is on good terms with him anyway? And some musician figures into the scheme so that Forman can namedrop MTV as a source for happening music news?

Mia as cellist should be the most interesting trait of the book, connecting the cast and time periods, but it ultimately turns into a symbol of her massively fortunate life. She loves classical music while her parents are rockers... and she adopted a competitive spirit at music camp... and was set to become a young professional at an elite academy... where's the tension here? Okay, so Adam bonds with Mia by having her "play" the bow across his body, that's cute. Then what? Her musical prowess in this book could have been replaced with collecting hats and everything would have played out the same way. "My parents are retired haverdashers who married under a giant bowler, but me, I'm a beanie girl, LOOK OUT CAR CRASH SO SAD."

Here's an idea: don't give Mia a projected presence in the hospital at all. Let the bedside visits and flashbacks happen on their own, without an invested narrator telling us how to feel at every turn. Keep the suggestion by hospital staff that Mia must ultimately decide whether to return, but don't give us Mia's commentary on everything. There's plenty enough to show without telling us what we just saw - nowhere is this truer than when Mia's grandparents are heartbroken to see her and Mia tells us something like, "Guess they're not as tough as I thought they were."

I guess you're not as interesting as I thought you were, Mia. Go enjoy your cello mastery, devoted boyfriend, loving family and friends, and the spiritual mulligan that allowed you to feel so appreciated while everyone begged you to come back. show less