Rick Johnson (1) (1956–)

What an appalling, appalling book! It starts amusingly enough, with the author rehashing lazily the view that boys and girls are supposedly hardwired differently, with hormones playing (supposedly) a key roles in their differences in characters and personalities. He surely denies being a determinist (he fully reckons the impact of the environment as much as that of biology) yet it quickly descend from there into the worst kind of parenting one can ever conceive. What's the issue?

To be fair, show more there's not much to disagree with on some of his core points. Think whatever about the 'pink brain vs blue brain' model when it comes to (supposedly) innate gender differences indeed (and I personally think that this model has been debunked enough by now for us to frankly move on!), there's no denying that girls deserve their feelings and emotions to be validated, and so that fathers, as men, need to work on how they communicate theirs when raising them. Think whatever about traditional gender roles too (he is a Christian, writing from a Biblical perspective) there is no denying either that parents can bring in different input, with fathers having the potential to make a massive impact when it comes to offer a positive, masculine role model. This, of course, is a heavy responsibility, as fathers can thus inculcate no less positive character traits traditionally associated with manhood (independence, resilience, risk-taking, assertiveness) in their girls, something that our daughters have been, culturally, cruelly lacking as it is. The problem, ironically enough, is his view of boys, and, so, how he raises his daughter as a result.

Believing that our preferences and behaviours are motivated mainly by our hormones is one thing. Believing from then on that, when it comes to boys, this mean an obsession with sex, 'scoring', sleeping around, and, overall, abusing girls for sexual benefits (blame their testosterone) is quite another. I don't know what type of teenage boy Rick Johnson used to be, nor with what type of boys he used to hang out; but the idea that teenage boys are mostly obsessed with sex is not only unwarranted, but also completely bogus and very dangerous indeed. Yes, teenage boys think about sex (I was one, I should know...), but then again so are teenage girls, and, like with teenage girls, sex is far from being the sole issue on their minds. When it comes to it, it's also not necessarily about the act itself but relationships and romance too: boys fall in love (like girls); they crave deep, meaningful relationships (like girls); and, quite frankly, they're more likely to be petrified at the idea of asking their crush out than to be porn addict (a fearmongering of the boy next door which has gripped society these days, and that seriously ought to be busted!). Put bluntly: kids are not sexual predators. The thing is, if this view might be downright obnoxious (again: is he projecting?), it has consequences. For how would you raise a girl indeed, if you were to believe (like the author does) that she is nothing but a sex object about to be preyed upon by all sorts of jerks? Well, like he did with his, and one has to call it for what it is: abusive.

This, here, is a very, very disturbing read. Here's a dad thinking nothing wrong imposing curfew to his daughter while not doing likewise with his son; a dad who makes a point, not only to meet the parents of his children's friends, but, also, their parents' friends too so as to see if they are worthy to hang out with; a dad who demands of his daughter's boyfriends to date him prior to be allowed to date her; and a dad who, last but not least, boasts about making a point cleaning his guns, and displaying the heads of animals that he hunted and killed, when being introduced to boys (to show that he means business). Now, let's be clear: this is not being protective. This is being coercive, controlling, and, restricting and suffocating to the point of being abusive. Sadly, it has done nothing to empower his child either, a point that seems to have completely eluded him -or has it?

What is striking too indeed is that, he retells serious incidents where his daughter, while a teenager, engaged in all sorts of over-the-top rebellious activities (some having put her at serious risk of harm), and yet he never puts two and two together: that her troubled behaviour may have been a result of his and his wife suffocating form of parenting. Such obliviousness, in fact, is not limited to when she was a teen. There is, for example, another harrowing (and shockingly disturbing...) passage when he retells how his daughter, by then a 19 years old woman, asked him and his wife for permission to have sex with her boyfriend, with whom she had been for more than two years (they refused, on the ground that they condemn pre-marital sex). Now, if you think women cannot be trusted with their romantic and sexual lives, that men (as father, then as husband) ought to control them in the name of 'being protective', then, of course, this will be right up your street. Again: he is a Christian, writing from a patriarchal, Biblical perspective (and I, for one, am an atheist). The thing, though, is that such fathering is not empowering. It's about denying basic freedom of choice to a person by not trusting their judgement (including that of making mistake), besides reflecting serious issues in how one perceives women (e.g. it's astounding how he is, all along, obsessed with his daughter's 'sexual purity' -his word) besides reflecting serious issues in how one perceives boys (e.g. paranoidly treating them as predators, let alone implicitly teaching them that making threats of violence to 'protect' women is acceptable...).

All in all, then: stay away from this. Your daughter certainly don't need that type of dad. If anything, that type of dads -controlling; obsessed with their daughters' sexuality to the point of suffocating their relationships and love lives; seeing nothing wrong with threats of violence used as a form of 'manly' assertiveness- are, with the absentees fathers who can't care less about their children, the men who have been seriously problematic in our society. Of course, I get it: he is a Christian, and so fully abide to otherwise patriarchal values one can argue have been seriously demeaning of women and girls (although he would strongly deny that point, being, as he is and again, completely oblivious to how disturbing is his parenting). Regardless, this is not about faith. It doesn't matter if you are a Christian or not (I'm not); what matter is that if you truly want to raise strong, confident, assertive, risk-taking, independent women, who will be assured and bold enough to value their own personal judgement (let alone respect men as equal instead of being feared as controlling freaks one has to submit to) then this is not it. If anything, this mindset has been denounced elsewhere, and by other campaigning dads, who rightfully pointed to the obnoxiousness of such attitudes. Dads and Daughters: How to Inspire, Understand, and Support Your Daughter When She's Growing Up So Fast by Joe Kelly, for instance, is a far better read for those interested. show less

Subtitled "How a Father's love Protects and Empowers His Daughter" this book is just that. Many father's get lost in the provisional respects of their role in the family life forgetting or never fully understanding that love is a key element.

As the Senior High Girls Youth teacher and the Sunday School teacher for younger girls I see first hand what a lack of a father's genuine love does to a girl. Few father's truly understand the magnitude of influence they have in what type of young adult show more emerges in their daughters. They wonder why their daughters make bad choices in careers, life style, dates, etc - it boils down to what they were taught by their fathers. A girl's worth is often tied up in what she thinks her father thinks about her.

I am impressed with Rick Johnson's book in that it not only explores the importance of a father's love and influence, or what a father should do for his daughter, but it goes a step father to empower men to be the very best fathers. In this book Johnson attempts to give men direction, encouragement and advice on how to accomplish the task of loving their daughters in a way that protects and empowers them.

Our children are faced with a myriad of decisions. They desperately need a solid foundation of love to succeed in this unstable world. After reading this as a review copy I found myself wanting to buy the book "That's My Son" and "Better Dads, Stronger Sons". As a mother I want to know firsthand how I can help my sons become godly men - and if Johnson handles the subject of sons as well as he did daughters I do not expect to be disappointed.

Although I am a mother, I would highly recommend this book for fathers (and mothers to read with your husbands). If you are a single mom - read this book to better understand what it is your daughter may be longing for - then begin to pray for godly men to step into that role.

I received this book from the publisher Revell as a review copy in exchange for my honest opinion.

“Available January 2012 at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.” show less

This is a well-written book, which I was able to download free for my Kindle when it was on special offer a while ago. It has some interesting anecdotes here and there alongside recommendations and instructions intended for mothers with teenage boys. But I found it quite heavy going, and rather condescending in places.

The book is written by an American evangelical Christian who believes in American values such as success, and a traditional (but sexist) view of masculinity. Nevertheless, the show more first part of the book makes some good points. Too many teenage boys go off the rails in our Western society. While women have problems too, most young people who are convicted of violent crimes are male. I was quite struck with the idea of mothers sometimes overwhelming their teenage boys with conversation, and logic, hoping to solve everything with discussion. But, the author claims, sometimes teenage boys aren’t so good with language, and feel battered by words, unable to respond.

The author stresses the importance of good male role models and describes a programme he runs for fatherless boys, teaching them skills that are traditionally passed on by fathers. The course gives them new challenges, and encourages them to consider what it means to be masculine. So far so good, even if I took some of it with a little pinch of salt.

Had the book ended after the first few chapters, I would probably have awarded it four or even five stars. Unfortunately, it then started delving into what the author means by ‘manliness’, and his belief in the importance of male leadership. He encourages traits such as competitiveness, and even violence (in hunting) which, to me, are a bad idea. He talks, too, about issuing difficult challenges to boys, pushing them in a way that seems to me like bullying. He makes no mention of those who would be unable to fulfil them, and would feel like failures. But in the US, failing isn’t acceptable.

By the end of the book, when the author embarks on the qualities he wants to see in a young man interested in dating his daughter, the style had become so male chauvinist I almost gave up. He said that his daughter won’t even open a car door as she expects a man to do it for her, no matter how much it might inconvenience him. Politeness is good, but this is going overboard, making girls and women out to be feeble and manipulative.

For the last half of the end of the book I would barely give two stars. But to be fair, since there were some good points in the early part of the book, I’ll give it three. If you read this, be prepared to pick and choose what applies to your situation, and ignore the sexism.

If you can get it free or inexpensively, it’s perhaps worth perusing if you’d like a better understanding of how some men function, even if you disagree with a lot of the content. show less

This is a great book for all fathers of daughters. A good combination of research, exhortation, application, and real life examples. It's probably good for mothers as well, so they can see the importance of the father's role and hold their husbands accountable.