Zoë's 2022 Challenge

Talk75 Books Challenge for 2022

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Zoë's 2022 Challenge

1_Zoe_
Dec 31, 2021, 5:45 pm

Hello! After doing hardly any reading in 2021, I'm ever-optimistic that next year will be better.

I did manage to spend more time outside (walking, running, hiking), so here's a pretty picture to compensate for the lack of books:



I'll post books I've read in the second message, and other lists and plans in the first ten messages or so. I'm good at planning out my reading, less good at following through!

2_Zoe_
Edited: Dec 17, 2022, 9:43 pm

Books Read in 2022

January
1. Evershore

February
2. Get a Life, Chloe Brown

March
none

April
none

May
3. Atomic Habits

June
none

July
4. The Love Hypothesis
5. We Should Get Together
6. Tanqueray

August
none

September
7. Part of Your World
8. All Systems Red

October
9. Every Conversation Counts

November
10. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

December
11. Heartstopper: Volume 1

3_Zoe_
Edited: Dec 28, 2022, 9:32 pm

5_Zoe_
Edited: Dec 23, 2022, 9:26 pm

Acquisitions

January
1. Proving It Her Way
2. Remembering Sofya Kovalevskaya
3. Mary Somerville: Science, Illumination, and the Female Mind

February
4. Women of Mathematics: A Bio-bibliographic Sourcebook
5. Disquisitiones Arithmeticae

March
6. A Convergence of Lives: Sofia Kovalevskaia - Scientist, Writer, Revolutionary
7. A First Course in Differential Equations
8. The Mathematics of Sonya Kovalevskaya
9. The Black Panther Party: A Graphic Novel History

April
10. The Impossibility of Squaring the Circle in the 17th Century
11. Living Proof: Stories of Resilience Along the Mathematical Journey (duplicate)
12. Introduction to Partial Differential Equations
13. Schaum's Outline of Partial Differential Equations
14. Partial Differential Equations for Scientists and Engineers
15. Revolutionary Hillbilly

May
16. Starting Strength (replacement)
17. We Should Get Together
18. Games for Your Mind: The History and Future of Logic Puzzles
19. All We Want
20. The Boy from Buzwah
21. Every Conversation Counts

June
22. Strong: Nine Workout Programs for Women
23. The Happiness Project
24. Essential Modern Greek Grammar
25. Get Your Greek On!
26. The Love Hypothesis
27. The Backpacker's Field Manual
28. Under One Roof (ebook)
29. Stuck with You (ebook)
30. Carry On

Books from Pat (free):
31. StrengthsQuest
32. Math Anxiety Reduction
33. Mind Over Math
34. Quantitative Reasoning (turns out to be a duplicate - this is the first edition, I have the second)
35. Conquering Math Anxiety
36. A First Course in Computing and Numerical Methods
37. Famous Mathematicians
38. What Is Mathematics?
39. A Fresh Start for Collegiate Mathematics (known duplicate - for department)

July
40. Educated
41. Taking Charge of Your Fertility
42. Tanqueray
43. Western Trails
44. How to Take Smart Notes

August
45. Our Voice of Fire
46. How to Listen
47. The Midnight Library
48. Part of Your World
49. Eastern Trails
50. Remembering and Forgetting in the Age of Technology (free)
51. Rebel

September
Adirondack Paddler's Guide
Many other books from Lake Placid

October
Lonely Planet: The World
We Came, We Saw, We Left: A Family Gap Year
People We Meet on Vacation

November
Defending Elysium (ebook)
The Lost Metal
Platonic
Ejaculate Responsibly
Caribbean travel guide (free)

December
Lonely Planet Dominican Republic
A Lady for a Duke
The Spanish Love Deception
Heartstopper, Volume 1

7_Zoe_
Edited: May 25, 2022, 3:01 pm

Books Started in Previous Years

Specifically, ones that I do want to finish eventually.

A partial list since I haven't kept good records for the past 2-3 years. I'll try to fill in more of the recent information later. I'm still in the process of looking back at the oldest lists and deciding whether I even want to finish those books anymore—I think in many cases, I don't.

Bold means I've made more progress on reading the book since the year when I started. Those are probably the most likely to get finished eventually.

Started 2021
The Perks of Being a Wallflower (p. 83)
Critical Race Theory in Mathematics Education (p. 17)
Asked and Answered: Dialogues on Advocating for Students of Color in Mathematics (p. 134)
Son of the Storm (p. 220)
Mathematics for Human Flourishing (p. 55)
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass
The Thrilling Adventures of Lovelace and Babbage

Started 2020
Can We Talk About Race? (p. 34)
Stamped from the Beginning (p. 100)
The Rabbit Effect (p. 54)

Started 2019
Why Nations Fail (p. 42)
Unf*ck Your Habitat (13%)
Becoming an Academic (p. 97)
Atomic Habits - COMPLETED
The Obesity Code (17%)
The Uninhabitable Earth (p. 44)
The Minimalist Way
Teach Students How to Learn
Tattoos on the Heart

Started 2018
Dreamland (p. 78)
Science Writing in Greco-Roman Antiquity (all but annotated bibliography)
We Wear the Mask (p. 141 of 204)
*Lioness Rampant (p. 39)
Children of Blood and Bone (p. 483 of 600)
Nobody (p. 54 of 184)
Another Day in the Death of America
Could It Happen Here? Canada in the Age of Trump (p. 17 of 192)
21 Things You May Not Know about the Indian Act (p. 22)
The Slow Professor (p. 35 of 90)
The Marrow Thieves (p. 44 of 231)
The Color of Law (p. 43 of 251)
Just Mercy (p. 127 of 318)
In Defense of a Liberal Education (35%)

Started 2017
The Productivity Project (17%)
Strangers in Their Own Land (p. 110 of 261)
Happiness Is: 500 things to be happy about (p. 48 of 271)
Doing the Scholarship of Teaching and Learning in Mathematics (p. 7 of 206)
The Shame of the Nation (p. 34 of 338)
Nemesis: One Man and the Battle for Rio (49%)
Children of the Broken Treaty (p. 140 of 290)
P.S. I Still Love You (31%)
Small Teaching (p. 51 of 272)
Hidden Figures (p. 189 of 265)
Achieving Quantitative Literacy (p. 10 of 115)
White Working Class (p. 43)

8_Zoe_
Edited: Nov 7, 2022, 7:56 pm

Yearly Releases I Want to Read

2023
The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

2022
The First to Die at the End
Platonic: How the Science of Friendship Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends

2021
Project Hail Mary
Gilded
A Psalm for the Wild-Built

9_Zoe_
Edited: Jul 8, 2022, 2:18 pm

Books Discarded

May 2022 (10)
The Dancing Wu Li Masters
Doll Bones
The Best of the World's Stupidest Signs
The Midwich Cuckoos
The Shepherd Kings
Jericho Moon
The Fated Sky
The Baghdad Blog
The Farseekers
Middle Eastern Mythology

July 2022 (10)
Girls Who Code: The Friendship Code
Educating Esmé
Quiver
No and Me
The Divide
Swimsuit
Blackout
The Game Believes in You
Maya by C.W. Huntington, Jr.
From STEM to STEAM

11_Zoe_
Dec 31, 2021, 5:46 pm

Okay, I think I'm done with reserved messages!

12bell7
Dec 31, 2021, 5:59 pm

Happy 2022, Zoe!

13_Zoe_
Dec 31, 2021, 6:14 pm

>12 bell7: Thank you! Happy 2022 to you too!

14drneutron
Dec 31, 2021, 6:24 pm

Happy new year! Hope to see you again someday!

15_Zoe_
Dec 31, 2021, 6:31 pm

I'm deleting the following books from my "Started in Previous Years" lists (because I either don't plan to finish them or had made so little progress that I might as well re-start), but I want to keep a record somewhere:

2018
Path to the Stars: My Journey from Girl Scout to Rocket Scientist. I do want to read this one eventually, but I think I had only read a couple of pages, so there's no point in pretending it's still in progress. I'll begin again eventually.

The Making of a Dream: How a Group of Young Undocumented Immigrants Helped Change What it Means to Be American. This is a worthwhile topic, but I'm only on page 14 of 330. If I eventually get around to it, I can begin again. This was a selection from my social justice book club in Oneonta, and I really couldn't keep up with the monthly pace at all.

2017
I Know How She Does It: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time. This book annoyed me when I started it in 2017. I should abandon it gladly and stop pretending that I'm going to finish it. Anyway, I'm not particularly interested in maximizing productivity at the moment; I care much more about finding balance and being healthier.

Requiem for the American Dream. The format of this book just didn't work for me. If I recall correctly, it alternates some pretty readable narrative with some much heavier primary sources. The problem is that I choose my books based on my mood and energy level at the time: do I want something light or heavy right now? I want the book to be one or another, not to switch between them. (Take these comments with a grain of salt, because I haven't touched the book since 2017). Anyway, I'm only on p. 11 of 157.

Educating Esmé. This is another book that annoyed me from the beginning. IIRC, Esmé cared more about telling the reader how great she was than she did about her students. I kept it on my to-finish list for ages because it's so short; I'm on p. 75 of 263, so I'm definitely feeling the sunk cost of those 75 pages. But it's time to move on.

The Boy on the Bridge. How could this book be so boring when I loved The Girl with All the Gifts? And I'm 20% of the way through. Still, at this point I should really just start over if I decide to give it another chance eventually.

I may still clear out a few more books from my in-progress list, but at least this is a start.

16_Zoe_
Dec 31, 2021, 6:31 pm

>14 drneutron: Yes, definitely! Surely this pandemic will end eventually and we can resume our usual meetups.

17FAMeulstee
Dec 31, 2021, 7:31 pm

Happy reading in 2022, Zoë!

18PaulCranswick
Dec 31, 2021, 8:10 pm



This group always helps me to read; welcome back to the group, Zoe. x

19SqueakyChu
Dec 31, 2021, 8:43 pm

Oh, Zoe, you cracked me up with the books you started years ago and are still hanging onto in order to finish them. I can't do that. I either bail, or I start completely over at a later date. I can't remember what I already read for such a long period of time!

In the meantime, I'll just sit around waiting for the information about your Zoom Meetup! :D

Wishing you and Mark a happy, safe, and healthy New Year!

20MickyFine
Dec 31, 2021, 8:59 pm

Happy new year, Zoe! So pleased to see you back!

21alcottacre
Dec 31, 2021, 10:52 pm

What Micky said!

22thornton37814
Dec 31, 2021, 11:44 pm

Hope you have a great year of reading!

23qebo
Jan 1, 2022, 9:34 am

>7 _Zoe_: I'm impressed that you've kept track.
Happy 2022!

24_Zoe_
Jan 1, 2022, 1:59 pm

>17 FAMeulstee:, >18 PaulCranswick:, >19 SqueakyChu:, >20 MickyFine:, >21 alcottacre:, >22 thornton37814:, >23 qebo: Thank you all for stopping by! I really appreciate the LibraryThing community and the fact that people still come by to say hello when I've been absent for so long.

>19 SqueakyChu: I don't think I can really do it either! We'll see how many of these books ever get finished. But if I'm not going to finish any books, I can at least write some reviews of abandoned old ones :P

Okay, I'll plan the Zoom meetup! Let's say the week of the 10th. What's your schedule like? Just give me a couple of options for days and times.

>23 qebo: I wouldn't really say I've kept track, given that two most recent lists are currently empty! But I'll see what I can dig up. I was certainly still starting and not finishing books, as per usual.

25SqueakyChu
Edited: Jan 1, 2022, 2:34 pm

>24 _Zoe_: I like weekends the best. Saturday or Sunday at 1pm. If no weekends, then no Thursday or Friday evenings.

Keep the *option* open for doing this on a continual basis, like every month or every other month or even quarterly, so there will be minimal pressure on you. Start with just a few people to see how it goes. I'm sure it will be fun, and others will want to join.

26ffortsa
Jan 1, 2022, 5:18 pm

Zoe, so nice to see you posting! I give you all credits for ditching the titles that no longer appeal. We all need to let go of 'good intentions' and move forward.

27_Zoe_
Jan 2, 2022, 12:19 pm

>25 SqueakyChu: Okay, how about this Sunday the 9th at 1pm?

>26 ffortsa: It's nice to be back! I like the thought of letting go of good intentions and moving forward; that can apply to so much more than books.

28SqueakyChu
Edited: Jan 2, 2022, 5:43 pm

>27 _Zoe_: That is my grandaughter's birthday. Just let me make sure that nothing is planned at that time first. *

I was thinking of you today. I was walking around my neighborhood and discovered three new Little Free Libraries. I remember when you used to ask me to take you and Mark to ALL the Little Free Libraries that existed in Maryland or DC (or so it seemed. Haha!).

*It looks as if there is too much covid around to plan anything at my son's house for that day so go ahead with the Zoom call at 1pm. Send me the link via email. That should be really fun!

29foggidawn
Jan 3, 2022, 10:33 am

Happy New Year and happy new thread! Lovely picture up top.

30_Zoe_
Jan 5, 2022, 1:47 pm

>28 SqueakyChu: I remember I took pictures of all of them with the intention of adding them to LT Local, and then I lost track of which one was which! Oh well, it was a fun adventure anyway.

I didn't seem to have your email address on hand, so I put the Zoom link in an LT comment on your profile instead.

>29 foggidawn: Happy New Year to you too! Thank you. I'm going to try to spend even more time appreciating nature this year.

31norabelle414
Jan 5, 2022, 2:05 pm

Thanks for tagging me on Facebook! I have nothing going on Sunday and would love to do a Zoom meetup. Should I make a topic in the "Gatherings and Meetups" group? (Zoom link provided only by private message, of course)

32SqueakyChu
Jan 5, 2022, 2:09 pm

>30 _Zoe_: I’ll send you my email address by private message so you can do a group email if you want.

>31 norabelle414: Nora, it will be good to see you!

33_Zoe_
Jan 5, 2022, 2:17 pm

>31 norabelle414: Sure, that would be great! Thank you for helping to get the word out!

>32 SqueakyChu: I just sent you an email invitation. It's interesting that I have no idea what anyone's email address is, though in retrospect yours was definitely familiar.

For now I'll distribute the Zoom link by private messages, but if anyone wants an email invitation, just send me your email address.

34qebo
Jan 5, 2022, 2:22 pm

>33 _Zoe_: Zoom link
Got it, thanks. Looking forward to seeing all of you!

35_Zoe_
Jan 5, 2022, 2:23 pm

>34 qebo: Yay, I'm excited!

37_Zoe_
Jan 13, 2022, 3:11 pm

Oh hey, I read a book! I actually finished this one a week ago, but I'm somehow already behind.



1. Evershore by Brandon Sanderson and Janci Patterson



This is the third novella in Sanderson's Skyward series, so I won't say much about the plot to avoid spoilers. You probably already know whether you want to read it. It's told from Jorgen's perspective, so it was nice to get inside his head, although he was sometimes a bit too oblivious/avoidant of a crucial plot point. There are some interesting new cytonic elements.

If you haven't read the series as a whole, I definitely recommend it; the first book is Skyward. It's young adult science fiction, though some aspects of the story (the "cytonic" mental powers) feel a lot more like fantasy. Sanderson has written three novels so far, and then he collaborated with Patterson to do three novellas that fit in between the main novels. I really appreciate the fact that he's found a way to expand the writing in this universe without needing to do it all himself. There's one more book to come in the main Skyward series, and apparently there will be other related works in the future.

38_Zoe_
Jan 13, 2022, 3:14 pm

In other news, I don't even know how to use LibraryThing anymore. There used to be multiple options for how to display dates in the catalogue, but now they're all YYYY-MM-DD and I can't find anywhere in the settings to change it. Help?

40_Zoe_
Jan 13, 2022, 4:00 pm

>39 norabelle414: Thank you! I definitely wasn't expecting that to be an account-level setting.

41norabelle414
Jan 13, 2022, 4:06 pm

>40 _Zoe_: It's odd, since the format listed there doesn't show up in other places on the site (e.g. talk messages or review dates), but I don't really mind because I'd rather have all my settings in one place than trying to find a whole separate settings page just for book settings

42Whisper1
Jan 13, 2022, 4:13 pm

>41 norabelle414: I too am experiencing more glitches than normal. The same thing happened to me regarding books I've read by certain authors whose books are written by the author, and noted as the illustrator. The system does not allow both postings.

Happy New Year Zoe! Thanks for posting such a beautiful topper.

43alcottacre
Jan 13, 2022, 4:14 pm

>37 _Zoe_: Adding that series to the BlackHole. Thanks for the recommendation, Zoe!

Happy Thursday!

44_Zoe_
Jan 15, 2022, 4:27 pm

>41 norabelle414: Yeah, now that I know where to look I don't mind, even if it doesn't quite make sense. Thank you again for pointing it out!

>42 Whisper1: Happy New Year! Thank you for your kind words about the photo.

>43 alcottacre: I hope you enjoy it! Happy Saturday :)

45kgodey
Jan 18, 2022, 5:52 pm

>37 _Zoe_: Hi Zoe! I'm waiting for the Skyward novellas to come out in print before I read them (which happens in April, I have them pre-ordered). I did enjoy Cytonic, although probably not as much as Starsight.

46PaulCranswick
Feb 4, 2022, 7:14 pm

Hope all is well, Zoe.

47_Zoe_
Jul 18, 2022, 3:50 pm

Oops, I seem to have missed half the year, basically because I haven't been reading much. Work has been busy and stressful—the pandemic is not a good time to be an educator—so it's a bit hard to focus. But at least I've been making progress on fitness, and I've been tracking my reading progress as well, even if it doesn't lead to many completed books. Here's a quick summary of the books I've read since Februray:



2. Get a Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert



This is a contemporary romance, and it made me realize that I need more British humour in my life. I really enjoyed the beginning, but I liked it a bit less as the characters actually got together. My memory from February is pretty hazy, but I seem to recall that some of their banter felt a bit too mean to me. Still, I plan to read the next two books in this series.



3. Atomic Habits by James Clear



I started this book in 2019, but put it down because it felt too derivative of The Power of Habit and because I really didn't need to read about how to be more productive right then: I had just finished my PhD and obtained a tenure-track position, and I was in the process of buying a house and moving to a new city to start said position; what I wanted was a break, not ideas about how to do more.

Still, I picked it up again this year on somebody's recommendation, and enjoyed the remainder much more than the start. Once the basics of habit formation had been dealt with, it no longer seemed so similar to that other book, and while I still feel like I need a work break after the past two pandemic years, I'm at least motivated to make progress in other areas of my life, like fitness.



4. The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood



This is another contemporary romance, this time dealing with women in STEM academia; I read the first paragraph in the bookstore and immediately had to purchase it. The book had already been on my radar because it's the #2 most popular 2021 book on Goodreads, but I was a bit hesitant to read it because of one crucial aspect of the plot: the romance is between a graduate student and a professor, so it felt a bit sketchy to read something like that as a professor myself (not that we even have graduate students). I'm glad I did eventually pick it up, though, because this one was very enjoyable; the fake-dating trope is always fun.

48_Zoe_
Edited: Oct 11, 2022, 12:04 pm



5. We Should Get Together by Kat Vellos



This is a book about friendship, something I've been focusing on more in the context of the pandemic and after moving to a new city (again) in my 30s. It's an easy read, combining actionable ideas with information and personal anecdotes.

The book is aimed at people living in large cities, and some parts are just ridiculously San Francisco. Vellos describes a "Friendship Incubator" system where you set out to become closer friends with someone by following a three-month program: after marking the start and end dates in both of your calendars, you deliberately spend time together at least once a week, doing a variety of activities (hanging out at both of your homes, going out, having a heart-to-heart conversation). I can't quite come to terms with the artificiality of it: why not just spend more time with someone whose company you enjoy?

But overall, there's plenty of food for thought here, and some good actionable ideas. For example, Vellos recommends inviting people over to your home, even if it's messy. Her description of an imperfect home was almost offensive in its obliviousness (having no concept of what an actual mess is, she reassures us that it's okay to have some mail on the counter and a couple of dishes in the sink!). But I did make an effort to invite over the one friend who lives close enough to see in person, and it really is so much better than Zoom.

Vellos' overall perspective of what matters in a friendship is different from mine. She seems to see friends as almost interchangeable and easily replaceable:

If your frequency hopes are out of sync, you've got some decisions to make. Have a conversation about what you're each feeling and willing to offer. The person who wants more frequency either has to find a way to be happy with less, or find another friend who can be as available and dedicated as they are. The person who wants less frequency either has to step up and offer more time to demonstrate that they value the friendship, or they need to understand if the other person wants to step back to prioritize other people who can meet their connection needs.

I found it hard to imagine a situation where I like someone enough that I want to spend significantly more time with them, yet would deliberately choose to step back from the friendship because we can't spend as much time together as I'd like. I'm at the point in my life where several of my good friends have young children and just don't have much time for socializing, but we catch up when we can, while the people who are more available develop naturally into closer friends over time. I'm not going to actively replace one with another just because I'd prefer weekly interaction while they can only do once a month; I just don't think friends are fungible like that.

But this was valuable in that it made me think about what does matter to me in a friendship. Vellos lists four "seeds of connection" at the core of good friendships: proximity, frequency, compatibility, and commitment. She tells a story about someone befriending "random awesome people", with the idea that basically anyone can become a good friend if you just get to know them, and I'm not really sold on that. So it made me realize that compatibility is most important to me: I'd much rather be friends with someone I really get along with, even if they live far away and I can't see them that often, than with someone conveniently nearby whose personality just doesn't click with mine.

There's an extensive collection of conversation-starter questions in the back of the book, and I've enjoyed the conversations that they prompted. But I haven't tried them with new acquaintances, only with someone who was already close enough that we were sitting in my house looking at the books I was reading. What's a risk you took that worked out well? As you've gotten older, have you outgrown any previously-held beliefs? What do you think are over-valued and under-valued in society? The author uses these in the context of meetup events where the whole purpose is to meet new people, and I haven't quite figured out how to insert them into normal conversation.

So there are pros and cons, but this book is oddly compelling overall, and I keep coming back to it. I keep flipping through to find things I (dis)agree with, and reading reviews on social media, and reflecting about it in this extensive review. It's a book that makes you think, regardless of whether you agree with it, and there's a lot of value in that.

49qebo
Jul 19, 2022, 9:13 am

>47 _Zoe_: the pandemic is not a good time to be an educator
A buncha teachers and professors in my neighborhood, and everyone's been planning, as best they can, for virtual and in-person and hybrid and sudden switcheroos. Not to mention high exposure and limited control.

50MickyFine
Jul 19, 2022, 1:40 pm

So nice to see you posting, Zoe. Looks like the romances are doing a solid job of being escapist reading for you in the midst of all the things.

Are you teaching over the summer or is it more research project time?

51bell7
Jul 23, 2022, 8:14 am

I feel for you teaching the last couple of years. Looks like you've read a good couple of books - I have Atomic Habits home from the library and I'm hoping to read it in the next month or so.

52_Zoe_
Jul 25, 2022, 8:52 pm

>49 qebo: Yup. And the worst is that, when we thought things would be more "normal" this year (back to in-person, without social distancing), the students actually struggled far more than the year before. They've just had too much disruption at this point.

>50 MickyFine: Yes, the romances are definitely good escapism! I'm not teaching over the summer, but I'm not getting a lot of research done either—it's more an attempt at rest and recovery. Plus I've been travelling a bit too much: visiting my parents and Mark's parents, a week-long vacation with friends, and a weekend vacation with just me and Mark. I finally have a stretch of a few weeks at home now, before a conference at the start of August.

>51 bell7: I'll look forward to your thoughts on Atomic Habits! Have you read The Power of Habit?

53bell7
Jul 26, 2022, 7:10 am

>52 _Zoe_: I have! Back in 2016 I read it for a program/book discussion we did at the library, and I really enjoyed it at the time. I know Atomic Habits has been compared to it, and someone (I've completely forgotten who now) told me they liked it better than The Power of Habit so I was curious.

54MickyFine
Jul 26, 2022, 1:35 pm

>52 _Zoe_: Glad to hear it's been a restful summer for you. A well-deserved break!

55_Zoe_
Jul 31, 2022, 9:15 pm

>53 bell7: I also remember really enjoying The Power of Habit, but I don't remember much else about it! I know Atomic Habits has generally been more popular.

>54 MickyFine: Thanks! The only problem is that I don't entirely remember how to rest, and I mostly feel guilty about work I could be doing. But I've managed to do a lot of fun activities anyway, and finally this month I've even read a few books.

Tomorrow I'm heading to Philadelphia for a conference, if anyone is around. I added an extra day at the front, so I'll probably be wandering around the city by myself on Tuesday, but I think I'll enjoy that. Mark is coming but will be working remotely during the day.



6. Tanqueray by Stephanie Johnson and Brandon Stanton



If you follow Humans of New York, you probably remember Tanqueray. I loved her story on HONY, so of course I had to buy this book—she's led a really interesting life, as a burlesque dancer among other roles. But I found that the book didn't really add a lot to the HONY narrative, and in many ways the HONY format actually worked better: the wait between segments built anticipation, and the reader comments actually added a lot, and the vignette format didn't feel so incomplete. I still enjoyed this book, but I would have liked a bit more of a connected narrative. What happened to Ronnie, for example? And the lack of captions on the photos sometimes drove me crazy.

Still, if you're familiar with this woman, you probably want to read her book.

56_Zoe_
Aug 10, 2022, 10:53 am

I'm behind on posting, as always, but I did manage a few LibraryThing meetups this year! In DC last month I saw Nora and Madeline (though not at the same time), and in Philadelphia on Saturday I saw Darryl and Katherine.

I meant to post the DC photos before the Philadelphia ones, but rather than accumulating an even larger backlog on my to-do list, I'll just post a couple of Philly photos now. Darryl and Katherine have already posted about the meetup, so I won't describe it in much detail: we went to a nice bookstore, then had delicious Vietnamese street food for dinner.

As is customary, we put all of our new books on the table to compare before eating. (I actually didn't buy anything, but Mark purchased one book, so I claimed that our household shopping obligation was fulfilled.) Our server, upon seeing the piles, asked whether we needed another chair for the books!

And so it turned into a table for five: four humans, and one stack of books ;)



57foggidawn
Aug 10, 2022, 11:20 am

>56 _Zoe_:, Aw, nice!

58kidzdoc
Aug 10, 2022, 11:31 am

>56 _Zoe_: Great photos, Zoë! I just created a post about our meetup in the LibraryThing Gatherings and Meetups group. Would you mind if I copied and pasted those photos on my Club Read thread?

59_Zoe_
Aug 10, 2022, 11:35 am

>57 foggidawn: Thanks!

>58 kidzdoc: You're welcome to copy them! I'll have to make sure to visit the Gatherings and Meetups thread too.

And some good news: I got a Covid test this morning prior to visiting my parents tomorrow, and it was negative! It was an NAAT test, so the results come quickly, but it's still much more reliable than an antigen test. I felt pretty good about my precautions during the conference (no indoor dining, a good mask, and an air purifier in the hotel room), but it's still nice to have confirmation. Of course I could still develop Covid tomorrow, but so far so good.

60kidzdoc
Aug 10, 2022, 11:38 am

>59 _Zoe_: Thanks, Zoë! I'll copy and post the photos now.

I'm glad that your SARS-CoV-2 test was negative, and I hope that you don't contract COVID-19.

61qebo
Edited: Aug 10, 2022, 12:03 pm

>59 _Zoe_: I'm more worried about Amtrak than you (though I was sitting less than 6' across the table from you at dinner), but so far so good...

62qebo
Aug 10, 2022, 4:42 pm

And for the sake of completion:

Zoë was trying to hold a smile while Mark was oblivious.

63scaifea
Aug 11, 2022, 3:32 pm

Yay for meetups!

>62 qebo: You have such a great smile!!

64norabelle414
Aug 14, 2022, 8:43 pm

Happy birthday Zoe!!

65PaulCranswick
Aug 14, 2022, 9:25 pm

Happy birthday, Zoe.

66bell7
Aug 14, 2022, 9:31 pm

Happy birthday!

67_Zoe_
Oct 11, 2022, 12:02 pm

>62 qebo: Thank you for posting that photo!

And thank you all for the birthday wishes!

As always, I've fallen behind, but I did finally write a review for We Should Get Together, which I finished in July:

This is a book about friendship, something I've been focusing on more in the context of the pandemic and after moving to a new city (again) in my 30s. It's an easy read, combining actionable ideas with information and personal anecdotes.

The book is aimed at people living in large cities, and some parts are just ridiculously San Francisco. Vellos describes a "Friendship Incubator" system where you set out to become closer friends with someone by following a three-month program: after marking the start and end dates in both of your calendars, you deliberately spend time together at least once a week, doing a variety of activities (hanging out at both of your homes, going out, having a heart-to-heart conversation). I can't quite come to terms with the artificiality of it: why not just spend more time with someone whose company you enjoy?

But overall, there's plenty of food for thought here, and some good actionable ideas. For example, Vellos recommends inviting people over to your home, even if it's messy. Her description of an imperfect home was almost offensive in its obliviousness (having no concept of what an actual mess is, she reassures us that it's okay to have some mail on the counter and a couple of dishes in the sink!). But I did make an effort to invite over the one friend who lives close enough to see in person, and it really is so much better than Zoom.

Vellos' overall perspective of what matters in a friendship is different from mine. She seems to see friends as almost interchangeable and easily replaceable:

If your frequency hopes are out of sync, you've got some decisions to make. Have a conversation about what you're each feeling and willing to offer. The person who wants more frequency either has to find a way to be happy with less, or find another friend who can be as available and dedicated as they are. The person who wants less frequency either has to step up and offer more time to demonstrate that they value the friendship, or they need to understand if the other person wants to step back to prioritize other people who can meet their connection needs.

I found it hard to imagine a situation where I like someone enough that I want to spend significantly more time with them, yet would deliberately choose to step back from the friendship because we can't spend as much time together as I'd like. I'm at the point in my life where several of my good friends have young children and just don't have much time for socializing, but we catch up when we can, while the people who are more available develop naturally into closer friends over time. I'm not going to actively replace one with another just because I'd prefer weekly interaction while they can only do once a month; I just don't think friends are fungible like that.

But this was valuable in that it made me think about what does matter to me in a friendship. Vellos lists four "seeds of connection" at the core of good friendships: proximity, frequency, compatibility, and commitment. She tells a story about someone befriending "random awesome people", with the idea that basically anyone can become a good friend if you just get to know them, and I'm not really sold on that. So it made me realize that compatibility is most important to me: I'd much rather be friends with someone I really get along with, even if they live far away and I can't see them that often, than with someone conveniently nearby whose personality just doesn't click with mine.

There's an extensive collection of conversation-starter questions in the back of the book, and I've enjoyed the conversations that they prompted. But I haven't tried them with new acquaintances, only with someone who was already close enough that we were sitting in my house looking at the books I was reading. What's a risk you took that worked out well? As you've gotten older, have you outgrown any previously-held beliefs? What do you think are over-valued and under-valued in society? The author uses these in the context of meetup events where the whole purpose is to meet new people, and I haven't quite figured out how to insert them into normal conversation.

So there are pros and cons, but this book is oddly compelling overall, and I keep coming back to it. I keep flipping through to find things I (dis)agree with, and reading reviews on social media, and reflecting about it in this extensive review. It's a book that makes you think, regardless of whether you agree with it, and there's a lot of value in that.

68_Zoe_
Edited: Oct 11, 2022, 12:24 pm



7. Part of Your World by Abby Jimenez



This is a contemporary romance that was both extremely readable and extremely frustrating. Alexis is a wealthy 37-year-old doctor from a very wealthy family, who meets a much younger (28) man from a much lower social class when she drives into a ditch in his small town. They immediately hit it off, and he's obviously completely perfect for her, but she's unwilling to even consider someone who wouldn't fit the high standards of her abusive father (who makes her completely miserable).

I had hoped that this book would involve some reflection about what really matters in life, but Alexis absolutely does not engage in self-reflection at all. Daniel makes her happy, and her family makes her miserable, but she assumes automatically that her family has to take precedence. Similarly, she doesn't really like most of her friends because they're selfish and superficial, but she couldn't date Daniel because he wouldn't fit in with them, and also he has tattoos.

So there's a bunch of unnecessary misery, until at the end it suddenly occurs to her that she can prioritize what makes her happiest, so she changes her mind at the drop of a dime and they live happily ever after.

This book was frustrating enough that I had to put it down for extended stretches, but I did really like the writing style. It was a quick and compelling read when I wasn't too annoyed to read it. I'll probably try one of the author's other books eventually.

69norabelle414
Oct 11, 2022, 12:20 pm

>67 _Zoe_: Interesting thoughts! I agree with you that "we can't be friends because I want to see you more often than you want to see me" is weird...seems like a holdover from a romantic self-help book instead of a friendship one. Overall it does seem intriguing

70_Zoe_
Oct 11, 2022, 12:24 pm



8. All Systems Red by Martha Wells



My whole family has been reading the Murderbot books, so it was time for me to get started as well. This is a compelling story of a sentient AI who's designed to be an unfeeling security unit, but actually has a personality filled with social anxiety. What's supposed to be an uneventful survey mission on an unfamiliar planet becomes a life-and-death situation when someone starts trying to kill the survey teams.

I enjoyed this story and read through the novella quickly, but I didn't love the ending, which made me wait a bit before picking up the next book in the series. Still, you can expect to see more Murderbot here in the near-ish future.

71_Zoe_
Oct 11, 2022, 12:50 pm

>69 norabelle414: One technique that the author recommends is literally something that she's only tried in dating apps, and just assumes can transfer over to friendships as well!

The QQ10 Method... if two people who have decent chemistry commit to ten consecutive days of quality time, then they'll be able to form the kind of closeness that typically takes months to build.... For 10 days straight, you and the other person see each other and communicate daily, as much as comfortably possible. It can be face to face or by phone or video call. The goal is sustained immersion.

I'm not convinced that potential friends would even *want* to do this, and I'm not really convinced of its value either. Establishing an unsustainable pattern of non-stop communication seems like it could easily lead to hurt or disappointment at the end of the ten days. And I'd just prefer to increase communication naturally, as a friendship develops, rather than trying to rush things.

Vellos makes a big deal of the fact that it takes 90 to 200 hours to turn an acquaintance into a close friend (at least according to one study of college students), but her response is to try to accelerate the process and somehow get around that substantial time commitment rather than just putting in the time. I'd rather try to put in the time, even when everyone is busy, because that sort of seems like the point of a friendship.

Of course, she probably has far more friends than I do, so who am I to judge?

72norabelle414
Oct 11, 2022, 1:14 pm

>71 _Zoe_: Ah yes, Stockholm Syndrome but for friendship

73SqueakyChu
Edited: Oct 13, 2022, 12:42 pm

>67 _Zoe_: Regarding that quote from Vellos’ book: I don’t think you can “program” friendship because there are too many variables in it!

I found it hard to imagine a situation where I like someone enough that I want to spend significantly more time with them, yet would deliberately choose to step back from the friendship because we can't spend as much time together as I'd like

That’s stupid! Some of my friends I don’t see for years, yet when we do get together, it’s as if no time has passed.

I think I would hate that book from what you wrote of it. I read your remarks to Jose. My husband disagrees with the author as well. He and I are still friends because both dislike what that book said (or at least the parts you mentioned). :D

>71 _Zoe_: I need to develop more friendship time with you and Mark so that means you have to come visit again. :D

>70 _Zoe_: Ooh! That sounds interesting!

A funny post script here: The real reason that I became friends with you is because you used to annoy me and stood out when LT started because you used to argue with almost everything Tim Spalding said. Then when I met you in person, I was surprised that I actually liked you! That also happened to me with another person on BookCrossing, but we never kept in touch, although I liked that annoying (online, anyway) woman after I met her in real life!

74qebo
Oct 13, 2022, 12:55 pm

>67 _Zoe_: "Friendship Incubator"
I'd wonder about the logistics, for not just the activities but also making arrangements, presumably with multiple people, unless the idea is to focus on one person at a time and all others recede into the background once friendship has been established? Maybe it's my introversion, but this seems an awful lot of interaction and as a practical matter difficult to achieve unless there's already a natural proximity/frequency. Also I don't see random strangers mutually agreeing to this incubation period, so what leads up to it? I'd be alarmed if someone I'd only casually crossed paths with latched on to me with such intensity.

75SqueakyChu
Oct 13, 2022, 4:37 pm

>75 SqueakyChu: I'd be alarmed if someone I'd only casually crossed paths with latched on to me with such intensity.

LOL! Me, too!!

76bell7
Oct 13, 2022, 8:00 pm

>67 _Zoe_: Interesting-sounding book and conversation that it's sparked about what makes a friendship.

I think there are some aspects of making friends that definitely become harder as adults. One of my friends owns a business with a gym and had a monthly Namaste for Drinks yoga class that she started to help address that. After the yoga class, we would drive to the bar down the street for a free drink (included in the price of the class) and hanging out as long as we wanted to with those who attended.

The ten days straight does sound intense, and I have to say I'd react kinda similar to Katherine. Like, sure, come over to my house for dinner, and I'd be happy to come to yours, but I may have to wait months in between because my life is busy? My mom asked me if she could give my contact info to someone she knows looking for friends my age, and I was like, yeah, sure but is she, like, interested in doing things I'm already doing in a group and joining us? Or does she want to meet one-on-one, cause that would have to wait 'til December?

As far as long-time friendships go, I have no problem having months of no contact and then picking up again when one of us thinks of the other and has something to say/ask/share. Proximity and compatibility may start a relationship, but ultimately commitment to it keeps it going when you don't have proximity anymore.

Anyway, all that to say the book sounds interesting but I'd probably mostly argue with her in my head, too!

77The_Hibernator
Oct 15, 2022, 1:40 pm

Love the meetup pictures!

78_Zoe_
Oct 25, 2022, 4:39 pm

>73 SqueakyChu: We'll probably be back there next summer! Or we may decide to switch to Thanksgiving visits again, now that I'm getting a full week off for Thanksgiving, but that won't happen this year anyway. In the meantime, I think it's time for you to pay another visit to New York and/or Toronto!

One of the things I really like about LibraryThing friendships is that there's no expectation to be in constant contact. I hadn't seen Katherine or Darryl for 3-5 years, but we still had a lovely meetup when the opportunity arose.

Ah, arguments with Tim back in the day, when I still thought it might make a difference. Now I've just accepted that LT will never be anything more than it is. I use GoodReads for the things they do better, including appealing to more people I know IRL.

>74 qebo: That's my main question: what would make random strangers agree to this intense period of contact? I think it's just a San Francisco thing.

>76 bell7: Fortunately I enjoy arguing with authors in my head, as long as the argument is thought-provoking!

I'm making an effort to have a less busy, less work-centered life after the pandemic. It remains a work in progress—our six trips last summer may have been a bit much. Still, I'd like to make more room for friends eventually.

79_Zoe_
Nov 15, 2022, 1:19 pm



9. Every Conversation Counts by Riaz Meghji

Placeholder for a review I'll write eventually....



10. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson



There's a lot that I don't like about this book, but ultimately there are also some valuable takeaways that made it worthwhile for me.

Here's what I want to remember:

• Only give a fuck about what matters: family, friends, purpose. (16) I definitely spend too much time worrying or being angry about unimportant things, so it's helpful to keep in mind this perspective.

• "You can't be an important and life-changing presence for some people without also being a joke and an embarrassment to others." (17) After reading this, I thought about how I tried to avoid embarrassment by not publicly doing things that I'm bad at. I've particularly avoided exercising on campus, because it seems like it could make me less respected by my students. But after reading this I decided to sign up for the campus Color Run, a 1.5-mile run where we got paint thrown at us, and it was actually a lot of fun. No one was actually paying attention during the run, it was a good bonding experience with one of my colleagues, and I was happy to see one of my former students afterward. I later did a 5k on campus as well.

• "Ever notice that sometimes when you care less about something, you do better at it? Notice how it's often the person who is the least invested in the success of something that actually ends up achieving it? Notice how sometimes when you stop giving a fuck, everything seems to fall into place?" (10) I've been trying to focus on having more fun at work, doing things like the Color Run or taking one of my classes on a field trip to the college's field station, where I went canoeing with one of my students (and where I found it easier to have substantial one-on-one conversations than when I was trying to invite students to my office). It's not that I don't care about my work; what I'm trying not to obsess about is the *evaluation* of my work. There are going to be classroom observations that may or may not go well; there's going to be constant pressure to do more and more. But if I focus on enjoying what I do and genuinely care about my students, the rest will fall into place.

• Write 200 crappy words every day. (56) This isn't even the author's idea, but some second-hand advice that he borrowed from Tim Ferriss (of The 4-Hour Workweek). I've been focused on teaching since the start of the pandemic, and research has fallen by the wayside; I have one book chapter in particular that I really need to finish by the end of December. It turns out that "write 200 crappy words everyday" was exactly the advice I needed to start making progress: it doesn't take long, since the writing can be terrible, but the difference between some progress and no progress is huge. And I like to think that my words aren't *all* crappy. This idea alone was worth reading the whole book.

I won't waste my time going into depth about the many things I disagreed with, but one issue is the complete lack of references. When Manson talked about an incident in higher education, and I actually took the time to find more information, I saw that he was conflating multiple issues to the point where it was actually misleading. So I'm not sure how reliable anything else is either, but—applying his own philosophy to the book—I'm trying to focus on picking out what's helpful to me and not worrying about the rest.

80norabelle414
Nov 15, 2022, 1:28 pm

I won't waste my time going into depth about the many things I disagreed with
Booooooooooo

81_Zoe_
Nov 15, 2022, 1:32 pm

>80 norabelle414: Haha, I do have notes, so maybe I'll do that later!

82SqueakyChu
Edited: Nov 15, 2022, 6:38 pm

>79 _Zoe_: • Only give a fuck about what matters: family, friends, purpose.

Zoe, that made me laugh, but it's so true. Most things we cannot control, but what matters most are those we care about. That has hit me particularly hard this past week as two people I know have been severely injured in separate car accidents. Also, at my age, I see my friends dropping off like flies! I want my beloved family and friends back (of those who've already passed). I have tried to just be grateful for those things that I have. I have also learned how to control my anxiety that spiraled way out of control during the pandemic. I hope never to feel that way again. It was scary.

I'm glad you summarized that book for me as it's one I'm not likely to read! Wishing you a Happy upcoming Thanksgiving.

Hugs, friend! :)

>80 norabelle414: LOL!!

83PaulCranswick
Nov 15, 2022, 6:43 pm

>79 _Zoe_: & >82 SqueakyChu: That is so right. We do tend to get lost in ourselves and in the detail, the minutiae of our lives and then things happen that bring things back into perspective and focus.

Yesterday I found out that a very recent colleague - a youngish man with three small kids - had a brain tumour and underwent emergency surgery on Saturday. I am praying that he pulls through and I hope we (here at the office) can do something to help with his kids as there isn't a welfare system to speak of here.

84SqueakyChu
Edited: Nov 15, 2022, 9:52 pm

>83 PaulCranswick:. Such tragic situations sure bring us back to what is most important. Hoping in my heart that my two friends and your work colleague have good outcomes to their difficult situations. Life can be pretty rough sometimes.

85_Zoe_
Nov 20, 2022, 2:02 pm

>83 PaulCranswick: I hope your friend's surgery went well!

Meanwhile, I'm extremely annoyed because my Amazon Prime has just stopped having two-day delivery. For the past couple of weeks, it shows that anything I want to buy will arrive in about five days. Customer service tries to pretend that this is normal and that it was always supposed to be two days *once they ship it*, so if they can't get around to shipping it for a few days, that's perfectly fine. Needless to say, this is not what I'm paying for. They did refund me the most recent month of Prime ($12), but I have a year-long subscription that just renewed in August. Blah.

Here's an example of something I wanted to buy on Friday:



I ultimately didn't bother.

86jjmcgaffey
Nov 20, 2022, 3:30 pm

So they're overwhelmed, and likely short-staffed, and (like every other company) shipping more slowly (slow even for the holiday season). But since they've made such a big deal out of their quick shipping, it's much more annoying. Hmmm, people planning to use them for Christmas shopping better get on the ball...

87_Zoe_
Nov 21, 2022, 2:04 pm

>86 jjmcgaffey: Yeah, and I wouldn't mind nearly as much if they just admitted it. But the attempted gaslighting is infuriating: they just kept telling me that everything was working as intended.

88jjmcgaffey
Nov 21, 2022, 6:33 pm

Bleah. Yeah, that's the worst kind of "customer service".